Ask Amy: Relative doesn’t want to attend gay wedding

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on Dec 18, 2022

Being left out upset my fiancée, and it hurt me to find out that my mother would purposely exclude my life partner just to make a point.

What, if anything, can I do to address this snub and to make the woman I love feel like part of the family?

– Long-term Engaged

Dear Engaged: Your mother’s choice to exclude your partner from a list of “family members” was deliberate and unkind – especially since she unveiled this list at a holiday event where she knew your partner would be present. Wow.

I would interpret this as unkind and passive-aggressive, and you should push back with an emphatic and very honest reaction that you are hurt, disappointed, and embarrassed.

A couple of points you might want to make are: This woman is your significant other. Your life partner. When – or if – you have a wedding will be up to the two of you. You should insist that your mother respect your partner, and yes – consider her as a family member.

You might also emphasize that here you are, trying to find the kindest path into your family for your fiancée so that she will feel comfortable and included. Your mother’s choice didn’t exactly lay down the red carpet.

In terms of your fiancée – you might convey to her that your family, like all families, is complicated. People make mistakes and disappoint one another. Emphasize that you two are a team and that you’ll tackle your highs and lows together.

Dear Amy: I was intrigued by your response to “Doting Dad,” who wanted to be transparent about his resources and estate with his adult children. I really liked your suggestion that people who have wealth should use their resources during their lifetimes, rather than leave it all behind.

– Appreciative

Dear Appreciative: This should only be done with very careful estate planning.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)