Ask Amy: Long-ago date wants to give belated feedback
The truth will sound harsh – because it is.
At the top of the list is that he was immature, racist, and unscrupulous (i.e., stealing from his job), along with a long laundry list of other terrible behavior.
I wonder if I'm even the right person to tell him these things.
I only knew him for a month, so perhaps I'm being too judgmental?
Should I just let him continue on his own journey?
– Hesitant
Dear Hesitant: Helpful feedback might be: “You’re late too often. Your hygiene needs improvement. Your roommates are rude.”
This guy’s infractions (aside from his immaturity) are all things he already knows are wrong – because we all know they’re wrong: He’s racist. He’s a thief.
Feedback in this context would only be a recitation of your own values. Self-improvement is not on the horizon for him – unless he expresses a desire for it, which he doesn’t seem to have done.
He is messaging you because he can. Your lack of response doesn’t seem to discourage him.
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