Ask Amy: Spouse lives in a world of ‘no’s’
In fact, if he showers once a week, I am lucky.
He walks five miles every day for exercise and perspires a great deal, but he doesn't change his shirt.
I have tried humor: "Gee, honey, you're kind of fragrant."
I've also reassured him that washing many shirts is no problem. I have requested directly that he change his shirt, and even handed him a clean shirt.
We live in an open-plan condo, and I've taken to burning candles and incense to improve the air.
Can you think of something more effective?
– Distressed Wife
Dear Distressed: Don’t you wonder why your husband has stopped showering? Have you asked him? Ignoring hygiene is sometimes a sign of depression, but he sounds like someone who is trying hard to take good care of himself.
So why is he neglecting his hygiene – a vital component of his own self-care?
When your body and clothing stink so much that your partner is burning incense to try to mitigate the stench, it starts to smell like a deliberate and hostile gesture.
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