ArcaMax

Dear Expecting: As long as visitors (young and older) are healthy they don’t pose a risk to your newborn, but your physical, mental, and emotional health is paramount.

Yes – these early days are vital bonding times for your little family.

My personal insight and advice to you is that you have a short time to quiet outside voices, grow a backbone, and to be in charge of your life and your baby’s early days.

If you have told your mother-in-law that she could be “present for the birth” (I assume not actually present in the delivery room), then I suggest that you rescind this immediately. You can say, “As the date gets closer, I’m more aware of what I need, and I definitely need privacy during the early days. Let’s FaceTime with you on the delivery day and then schedule a visit for after that, once we’ve adjusted.

The time when you might need and welcome the most “help” is when the baby is three or four weeks old. Your partner should work with you to schedule visits and to be a gatekeeper regarding his clan. This is an important role, and it is one way he will protect his new family.

Once you establish your feeding routine, your confidence and patience will grow. Give yourself time and give your partner’s family the benefit of knowing that when it comes to you, they need to respect your boundaries.

Dear Amy: I'm torn between attending a memorial service and a professional conference. I know the memorial service should take precedence, but the service is for someone I barely know.

My husband's family went camping every year with a group of about five other families. His parents’ generation has continued to see each other regularly (except during the pandemic), and my husband's generation generally only does this for big events – like a big wedding.

I met this friend “Barry” only once, briefly, and probably about 10 years ago.

His wife has died. Neither my husband or I had ever met her.

...continued