ArcaMax

How long is long enough to wait for marriage?

— Unhappily Unmarried

Dear Unmarried: You don’t say what about marriage you find so enticing, but what you currently have seems like many marriages.

I infer that you are eager for a level of intimacy — emotional and otherwise — that you associate with marriage, but based on your experience so far, “Bret,” while a very nice guy, doesn’t seem to be built that way. Your reluctance to state your own wants and needs because you “get upset” makes me wonder if you’re built that way, too.

Even if you somehow got Bret to the altar, marriage wouldn’t fix your relationship or change him into the husband you want him to be.

You need to ask yourself if what you currently have is “enough” — emotionally and otherwise — for the long haul. If it is not, then yes, you should start fresh.

Dear Amy: “Frequent Flier” wrote a very self-serving account of what it feels like to be an adult child living at home with parents. Flier compared the experience of living at home to being roommates with parents. Thank you for pointing out that if you don’t pay rent, you are not a roommate.

I take issue with your characterization of families who have adult children living at home, however. I don’t know who you know, but everyone I know in this situation charges their kids rent.

— Disappointed

Dear Disappointed: The pandemic caused many young adults to suddenly flock back home (I’ve had two living at home for several months). Because of unemployment, dislocation, and financial instability, charging (and paying) rent is not always possible. I do agree that this arrangement works best when both parties state — and meet — reasonable expectations.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)