ArcaMax

Dear Amy: My mother-in-law recently asked if she could take our kids for the day. My husband and I were nervous about this, due to the COVID pandemic. but we relented -- with the clear understanding that our kids would not have ANY contact with their cousins (their father is a medic and IS in contact with the virus regularly).

My mother-in-law assured me that it would only be our children with her, and that she would not get them together with their cousins.

Well, it turns out that she had all of the kids together to play.

I feel that she lied to me and put us at risk for sickness.

What would you do?

-- Frustrated in Nevada

Dear Frustrated: Assuming your narrative is accurate, your mother-in-law's choice is fairly indefensible. Her reasons for overriding your very reasonable rule might be many and varied. She may have felt pressured by both sets of children, she could be a pandemic denier, overwhelmed for other reasons, or - simply not have much respect for you (and her son) as parents.

Grandparents sometimes believe that they know best when it comes to dealing with children (sometimes they are right), and sneaky grandparents will leap over boundaries in order to assert their own supremacy. (And where were these other parents who allowed their kids to get together with yours, by the way? Did they think this was wise?)

Unfortunately, there will be a consequence for this, and if you are all lucky, it will be relational, and not through anyone becoming seriously ill.

You'll have to try to discern what your mother-in-law's real motive was, and unless she has disrespected you and your husband in similar ways in the past, you could assume that this was a one-time terrible lapse in judgment.

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