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Use Your Lifeline pt. 3

Humor / Jokes /

... continued from above

Time was up. "I need an answer," said Regis.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C) the cuckoo."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Regis.

"Yes, that is my final answer," she said, breaking into a sweat.

After the usual foot-dragging delay Regis said, "I regret to inform you that that answer is ... ...Read more

Use Your Lifeline pt. 1

Humor / Jokes /

A contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win the million dollars. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.

And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the ...Read more

The Laws of Golf, Part I

Humor / Jokes /

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of ...Read more

Arriving Home Drunk

Humor / Jokes /

A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."

The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the...Read more

Star Wars: The Last Jedi LEGO Summary

Humor / Jokes /

LEGO Summary of Star Wars: The Last Jedi animated by the extraordinary Brotherhood Workshop!

Jimmy Kimmel on Trump/Putin Summit

Humor / Jokes /

Jimmy breaks down Trump's one-one-one meeting and press briefing with Russia's President Vladimir Putin and he talks about the Justice Department indicting 12 Russian intelligence agents for hacking Clinton staff members and DNC servers during the election campaign. Many saw the timing of these indictments as a message to Trump, but one person ...Read more

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

Anybody watch the testimony before the House Judiciary Committee? It was a parliamentary smackdown. The Capitol Dome became the Thunderdome, all during the testimony of FBI agent Peter Strzok. Right from his opening statement, Strzok came out swinging, saying, “I have the utmost respect for Congress' oversight role, but I strongly believe ...Read more

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

Our president, at NATO today, described himself once again as a genius, a very stable genius. The “genius” part aside, who describes themselves as stable? Stable is the word the doctor uses after a car accident: “He's stable, it’s OK.”

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

Meanwhile, back at home, Stormy Daniels — remember Stormy Daniels, the president's $130,000 friend? — had a brush with the law last night. She was arrested at a strip club in Columbus for allegedly touching a customer who turned out to be an undercover police officer. Under Ohio state law, an employee who appears nude or seminude is ...Read more

Trump On Russia's Election Meddling: 'We're All To Blame'

Humor / Jokes /

Donald Trump was a few feet away from the man who orchestrated an attack on American democracy. So, of course, he confronted Hillary Clinton.

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

A Republican congressional candidate sent out anti-Semitic messages in a robocall. Of course, anti-Semites are now furious that robots are taking their jobs.

Conan O'Brien

Girl's Night Out pt. 2

Humor / Jokes /

... continued from above

The next morning he asked what time I got in. I said "MIDNIGHT!" He seemed fine so I thought I'd gotten away with it. Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked why he said "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, said 'oh rats', cuckooed 4 times, cleared its throat, cuckooed 3 times again, giggled, ...Read more

Little April and the Pin pt. 2

Humor / Jokes /

... continued from above

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted April.

The teacher said, "Very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April, "What did Eve say to ...Read more

VanAllen

Humor / Jokes /

The radiation belts surrounding the earth were discovered almost simultaneously by VanAllen and another scientist named Fan. VanAllen published first, or else the earth would have a Fan Belt.

Breaking into the House

Humor / Jokes /

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

Newest Horror Movie

Humor / Jokes /

Have you seen the current remake of the movie "Cape Fear?"

It's about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer.

The question is, while watching the movie, for whom do you root?

Can You Name a Country?

Humor / Jokes /

Donald Trump is overseas visiting Belgium, England, Scotland and then his pal Putin in Russia. It is imperative that America has strong relationships with and knowledge about other nations, and that responsibility extends to all of us. So we came up with a test and went out on the street to ask people passing by, to name any country on a map. It...Read more

Conan Helps His Assistant Buy A New Car - CONAN on TBS

Humor / Jokes /

Conan's assistant Sona is in dire need of a new car but thankfully Conan has offered to help her #ShopAllTheCars on Autotrader.

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

I lost 200,000 followers today — including my dad. It turned out he was a Russian bot the whole time. — on the effects of Twitter’s bot-cleanup operation on Thursday

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

While in the U.K., President Trump was asked if he was worried about the protests there. And he said — this is a quote — ‘I think they agree with me on immigration.’ Yeah, Trump has a point: Many people in England want him immediately deported.

Conan O'Brien

 

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