A Scots pessimist is a man who feels badly when he feels good for fear he'll feel worse when he feels better.
A teenage girl shopped at the mall and stopped at the perfume counter.
She sees, "My Sin", "Desire", and "Ecstasy".
She says to the salesperson, "I don't want to get emotionally involved...I just want to smell nice."
After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges."
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save ...Read more
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting t! o subdue a gunman...Read more
Cole Sprouse gives a backstage update on all the hottest Internet slang of the moment.
One Week is a 1920 American short comedy film starring comedian Buster Keaton, the first film to be released made by Keaton on his own.
On Saturday, the word ‘s-hole’ was projected onto Trump’s D.C. hotel. It got even worse when Motel 6 sued them for copyright infringement.
A new study has found that doing facial exercises can actually make people look younger. While not doing them can make people look trapped.
According to a juicy report this weekend, Donald Trump paid a porn star $130,000 to stay silent over an alleged affair. That is truly shocking: that Donald Trump paid one of his contractors.
James Taylor debuts “Fire and Fury” - a parody of his classic “Fire and Rain.” Full Lyrics below: Just yesterday morning, Breitbart announced you were gone. Bannon, the tell-all book put an end to you.
Former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci defended Trump, saying, ‘At the end of the day, he’s not a racist.’ Then he said, ‘During the day, it’s a different story.’
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse, named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull...Read more
A guy is caught by a ranger eating a bald eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:
Judge: "Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?"
Man: "Yes I did. But if you let me argue my case, I'll explain what happened."
Man: "I got ...Read more
Science has a language of its own which sometimes puzzles laymen. The word "obvious" is a case in point.
A professor of physics, deriving some profound point of theory for the class, scribbled an equation on the board and said, "From this, it is obvious that we can proceed to write the following relationship..." and he scribbled a second and ...Read more
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After ...Read more
1. No name perfume which costs you $1.99, such as Eu de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, moldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names.
2. Any type of cubic zirconia jewelry you see on the Home Shopping Network. It will be quite embarrassing when she is showing off that ...Read more
When you have a child, your bones automatically turn into sidewalk chalk.
God creates woman... chaos ensues.
After several reports that key White House officials are planning to leave the administration, Donald Trump has now asked his staff to decide by the end of the month whether they’re going to quit or stay on through the November midterm elections. They’re asking THEIR STAFF who’s going to be leaving the White House — right now, they ...Read more
Trump reportedly said, ‘Why are we having all these people from [expletive] countries come here?’ Sir, they’re not [expletive] countries: For one, Donald Trump isn’t their president.