Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
Frequently Asked Questions for Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off? A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo? A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a New Document window? A: ...Read more
On her way back from the concession stand, Julie asked a man at the end of the row, "Pardon me, but did I step on your foot a few minutes ago?"
Expecting an apology, the man said, "Indeed you did."
Julie nodded, and noted, "Oh good. Then this is my row."
Kids are smarter than they used to be. And they do say the dandiest things! Check out the following wisecracks and wisdom and you be the judge!
TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
TEACHER: That's impossible.
The last black unicorn (Tiffany Haddish) answers teens' (Beck Bennett, Melissa Villaseñor, Aidy Bryant) questions about the future.
Martha Kent and Martha Wayne are so looking forward to hanging out with Martha Aqua and Martha Wonder to discuss the new Justice League movie. Or, maybe they’ll just watch Steel Magnolias.
By now, you’ve probably heard of Alabama senatorial candidate and former judge Roy Moore. Last week, allegations surfaced that when Moore was an assistant district attorney in the 1970s, he had sexual contact with a 14-year-old. Which would be appropriate only if he were a 14-year-old assistant district attorney. You’d think all this would ...Read more
During the entire interview Sean Hannity gives Roy Moore so many chances to defend himself, and he just cannot answer a yes-or-no question. ‘O.K., but you never stole a bus full of 16-year-olds and brought them to a secret lair, right?’ ‘Well, it certainly doesn’t sound like something I would do. I mean, I don’t remember being on a bus...Read more
Waiting For Aegina (The Gift Saga) (Volume 2)Effie Kammenou
In 1961, five little girls moved into a suburban neighborhood and became inseparable, lifelong friends. They called themselves the ‘Honey Hill Girls,’ named after the street on which they lived. As teenagers they shared one another’s ambitions and dreams, secrets ...
It came out that Donald Trump Jr. was in direct contact with WikiLeaks during last year’s election. You can tell that Don Jr.’s in trouble because his dad just demoted him to Eric.
President Trump isn't exactly defusing the threat of nuclear war with North Korea by 'not' calling its leader 'short and fat.'
So, Roy Moore defines himself completely by the Bible — except for the parts about ‘Thou shalt not be gross.’
... continued from above
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what...Read more
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally they reached the ticket window.
"Five ...Read more
Have you been following this steroid scandal? This is first time in baseball history that the players have more additives in them than the hot dogs.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's numbing cream during root canal work?
He wanted to transcend dental medication!
LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of power at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar ...Read more
Jason Segel and Stephen preview some of the most highly-anticipated, definitely real, upcoming films.
Seth takes a closer look at how President Trump sparked a political firestorm with his comments on Russia’s election meddling, as his party deals with allegations that their Senate candidate in Alabama sexually assaulted underage girls.
The Chinese gave Trump a hero’s welcome. Then he and Xi walked the red carpet, where Trump was greeted by his biggest fans: totally not-staged adoring Chinese children. “Thank you. You’re all so good at making my hats. Thank you so much.”
According to a new poll, a generic Democratic opponent would beat President Trump by 10 points in 2020 election. Yeah, the generics do great. It’s the name brands [shows photo of Hillary] who have trouble.