My Pet World: When a family member is overfeeding the dog

Cathy M. Rosenthal, Tribune Content Agency on Sep 9, 2026

Dear Cathy,

A few years ago, we had to make the heartbreaking decision to rehome our dog, Dolly. We adopted her at three and had her for nearly four years. After several incidents where she bit or made contact with adults and children, we realized we could no longer safely manage her around visitors. We tried training, but it didn't work. She was a great dog 95% of the time. But she rarely showed any warning before these incidents, which made them difficult to predict.

My mother-in-law (MIL) offered to take Dolly to her farm a few states away. Dolly is happy, so the arrangement works well. The problem is Dolly has doubled in weight. She is a low rider with pronated feet, so I worry that the extra weight is uncomfortable. MIL puts bacon grease and scraps in her food and offers her extra treats.

My MIL knows Dolly has gained a lot of weight. My children have pointed it out, and we've talked about it gently. We have a good relationship, but I am afraid I will damage our relationship if I push the issue. But I also don't want Dolly's quality of life to suffer.

At the end of the day, my MIL probably saved Dolly's life when we had very few options for rehoming her. How do I approach this?

— Michelle, Wisconsin

Dear Michelle,

If your spouse is comfortable having this conversation with their mother, start there. A concern about Dolly's weight may be easier to hear coming from her own child, especially since your MIL is aware of the problem.

But if you are the one who needs to raise it, the key is to reframe the conversation. Rather than focusing on how much your MIL is feeding her, approach Dolly’s weight gain as a health concern.

You might say, “I know we've talked about Dolly’s weight before, but I keep thinking the extra weight may affect her comfort as she gets older. Has her veterinarian weighed in on this? I would be interested to know what they think is a healthy weight for her and whether there could be any medical issue contributing to her weight gain.”

This approach shifts the conversation away from what your MIL may be doing and toward Dolly's health. While too many calories can certainly lead to weight gain, medical conditions, including hypothyroidism, can sometimes contribute as well. A veterinarian can rule out an underlying health problem, determine a healthy weight for Dolly, and recommend how many calories she needs each day and the best way to help her lose weight safely. Reaching a healthier weight can reduce stress on Dolly's joints and feet and help protect her mobility as she gets older.

The vet can also recommend healthier treats so your MIL can still give Dolly those little extras she obviously enjoys giving her. That's important because food may be one of the ways your MIL shows Dolly affection. Rather than focusing on taking that away, the vet can help her find ways to continue the ritual without adding so many calories.

You don't need to convince your MIL that she's feeding Dolly too much. She knows. By making this about Dolly's health rather than her feeding habits, you give your MIL a way to hear your concern without feeling blamed. Then you can both focus on the same thing: helping Dolly stay comfortable and healthy for as long as possible.

Dear Cathy,

My sister-in-law had a cat when she passed away. I agreed to take him since I had to put my cat down due to cancer. Her cat bit and scratched me until I got a bad infection in my leg? Do you think it was because her "mother" was gone?

— Virginia, Naperville, Illinois

Dear Virginia,

If he had never bitten or scratched before, then yes, it's possible. When a pet's behavior suddenly changes, you generally look at two things: health and stress. Cats can certainly become stressed or grieve when someone they are bonded with dies, and moving to a new home is another major change that can affect their behavior.

If he has always bitten or scratched, however, you may simply be seeing an established behavior. Since you may not know his full history, schedule a veterinary exam to rule out pain or another health problem.

In the meantime, give him space and let him approach you. Build trust through meals, treats, and play rather than physical contact. You also might try a plug-in feline pheromone diffuser for a few months to see if it helps reduce his stress while he adjusts.

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(Cathy M. Rosenthal is a longtime animal advocate, author, columnist and pet expert who has more than 25 years in the animal welfare field. Send your pet questions, stories and tips to cathy@petpundit.com. Please include your name, city, and state. You can follow her @cathymrosenthal.)