Life Advice



Ask Amy: Facebook algorithm connects victim to assault

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: About 20 years ago, I was raped by my close friend’s longtime boyfriend. Basically, after drinking at a bar, I was so messed up, they took me to the place where they were staying. Looking back, I think I may have been drugged, because I basically could not move. (I’ve never been a heavy drinker.)

When I woke up, he was on top of me. It changed my life forever!

Lately, I see his comments on Facebook — on mutual friends’ pages. It is really frustrating.

In the past, I just didn’t use Facebook much, but during the pandemic, I’ve frequented FB more often, because I am trying to keep up with distant friends.

I’m not sure how to resolve this. I’ve debated sending these mutual friends a private message saying that I may drop them as friends because of him — and tell them why.

Sometimes I want to call him out on others’ pages when I see his friendly or happy-go-lucky posts.


I never pressed charges when this happened because I guess I was embarrassed and vulnerable.

Now as an older person, I wish I had pressed charges to resolve some of my anger. I wish he had been punished for taking so much trust away from me.

Should I just quit Facebook? If I do, I feel that he wins.

— Hanging On


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