Life Advice



Engaged couple wants to exclude family from wedding

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I have recently gotten engaged.

Growing up, my narcissistic mother physically and emotionally abused me. I was held to a much higher standard than my younger sister.

This led me to take out my frustrations on my sister -- verbally, and also through manipulation.

I didn't speak much to my family as a teenager, left the house for college, and never went back.

I have not spoken to my sister in years. At family functions she literally pretends as though I am physically not there (e.g. she won't set a place for me at the table).

As an adult I sought therapy, and have forgiven my mother (despite her lack of insight or admission of wrong-doing). I have also sincerely apologized to my sister. She refuses to accept my apology.


I do not wish for her to be part of my wedding, as she has not been part of my life for years, nor does she know me or my fiancé.

I know that my mother will not be pleased about excluding my sister, and will likely give me an ultimatum, as she often does.

A wedding is a time for love, and if she attends, I know I will feel that it is strictly due to an obligation and expectation.

It is going to be a small, intimate wedding. Should I invite my sister to please my mother? Will I regret not inviting her in the future?


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