On Tuesday night’s “Daily Show,” Trevor Noah looked into ‘Striketober,’ where workers at companies like Kellogg’s and John Deere are striking for things like bigger pensions and getting part of the profits.
With more job openings than ever and more people quitting than ever, workers suddenly find themselves with a lot of ...Read more
Just smile and say "Yes, Mistress."
Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.
Mommy, I wanna grow up to be a neurotic witch just like you.
A woman's favorite position is CEO.
59. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
You look like poop. Is that the style now?
Gene Police! Get out of the pool
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear ...Read more
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that “Cheech” the orang-utang was reading two books — the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species.
Suprised, he asked him, “Why are you reading both those books/'
”Well,” said the orang-utang, “I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”
Hi, this is Ed. I'm secretly replacing Faisal and Bob with dark sparkling Folger's Crystals. Leave your name, number, and a brief message and they'll call you back when they're nice and percolated. See if you can tell the difference.
In an ancient monastery, a new monk arrived to dedicate his life to God and to join the others copying ancient records. The first thing he noticed was that they were copying by hand books that had already been copied by hand.
He had to speak up. "Forgive me, Father Justinian, but copying other copies by hand allows many chances for error. How ...Read more
We all have phobias, some more common than others. What's yours? Settle in with Simon's Cat for a spooky ride with your favorite Halloween films in this 'Scary' compilation!
James asks the guys of Coldplay how often they get into it and Chris Martin recalls a time they had to play a show for no audience.
In related news, the F.D.A. has asked Johnson & Johnson to rename its ‘No More Tears’ shampoo to ‘Legally Speaking, Probably a Few Tears.’
For both Pfizer and Moderna, the recommendation is that after six months, people over the age of 65 or who have pre-existing conditions should get a booster. But for Johnson & Johnson, the panel recommends boosters for people 18 and older, and it can be given two months after the first shot. Cool! Hey, you know when that information would have ...Read more
And here’s a big story, especially if you got the Johnson & Johnson one-and-done vaccine. Dr. Anthony Fauci is now saying that FDA data shows the Johnson & Johnson vaccine should have been two shots. I mean, come on -- it was right there in the name.
Christopher Steele upset our host this weekend when he shared his opinion that the infamous pee pee tape "probably" exists, contrary to the repeated denials from our former president and First Lady. Also, has Stephen Colbert been the real Man of Steel this whole time?
Stephen Colbert just can’t quit talking about reports about the existence of a tape rumored to show Donald J. Trump in a compromising position in a Moscow hotel room. On Monday, he bemoaned a recent assertion by Christopher Steele, a British ex-spy, that such a tape “probably exists.”
No! No, Chris Steele, you will not get my hopes...Read more
... continued from above
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
Back off! You're standing in my aura.
I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.
My wife and I were traveling on the Kansas Turnpike, bucking 30 to 45 m.p.h. crosswind. At the tollbooth, I asked the attendant, "What do you people do in Kansas when the wind quits?"
The tollbooth attendant didn't miss a beat. She answered,
"We take the rocks out of our pockets."
...of Slow People
1. Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don't know each other.
2. They drive side by side, too. If they can't find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane.
3. Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rear view mirrors, either.
4. Slow people drift ...Read more
A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.
"Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."
The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"
"Yes, indeed," said his ...Read more
A true story out of San Francisco...
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch & wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached ...Read more
... continued from above
I wish for a world of peace, harmony, and nakedness.
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
21. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
And your crybaby whiny opinion would be...?
I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
See no evil, hear no evil and date no evil.
On the first day, God created the dog and said:
"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
On the second day,...Read more