Humor
/Entertainment
Obituary
Janie had just become a widow and needed to put an obituary in the paper about her late husband, Bubba. She called the newspaper and asked, "How much does it cost to put an obituary in the paper?"
"The cost is $0.50 per word," said the newspaper editor.
Janie said, "Fine, please print: 'Bubba died'."
The startled newspaper editor explained ...Read more
Marry Me
An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes".
The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..."
After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the ...Read more
What is 2 * 2
Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is 2 * 2 ?"
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces "3.99".
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02".
The mathematician ...Read more
Very Weak
One weekend, a man decided to call his mother in Florida because it had been quite some time since they had chatted. The man asked his mother, "How are you doing?"
She said, "Not to good. I' have been very weak."
The son then asked, "Mom, why are you so weak?"
She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son then asked, "How come you ...Read more
Space Saver
A friend of mine had a brilliant idea for saving disk space. He thought if he put all his Microsoft Word documents into a tiny font they would take up less room.
Gorilla Bar
A gorilla walks into a bar. The bartender comes up to him and asks him what he wants. "A scotch on the rocks, please." He then lays a ten-dollar bill on the bar.
The bartender takes the money and goes to fix the gorilla's drink. He thinks to himself, "Hey, this is a gorilla. He doesn't know about the prices of drinks," and takes fifteen cents ...Read more
Free Drinks
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the ...Read more
Army Cadet
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
Brain Transplant
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. 'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he surveyed the worried faces. 'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure,...Read more
A Fitting Punishment
Mr. Jones is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family.
Mr. Jones is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to receive 50 ...Read more
Ramón Rodríguez on Will Trent Season Three, Having a Fan Club & No One Knowing His Actual Birthday
Ramón talks about his parents being enthusiastic about Will Trent, a fan club of women who waited around on location to take a picture with him, and his birthday being shown as three different dates on the internet which he loves.
Stephanie Kelton - “Finding the Money” & “The Deficit Myth” | The Daily Show
Stephanie Kelton, bestselling author of “The Deficit Myth” and professor of economics and public policy, talks to Jordan Klepper and Ronny Chieng about changing our understanding of government spending through MMT, or Modern Money Theory. She also explains how the national deficit is not a number to be fearful of, but can be put to good use...Read more
Taylor Swift Gives The Fans What They Want | Top 10 Taylor Swift Moments | The Graham Norton Show
With the release of 'The Tortured Poets Department' by Taylor Swift, let's take a look at some her top 10 moments!
The Perfect Job
- My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...couldn't concentrate.
- After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it...mainly because it was a so-so job.
- Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
- Next I tried working in a ...Read more
Battling Egos
A bishop, a judge, and a conductor were discussing their careers, and got into an argument about which of them was the greatest.
The judge said, "When I step into the courtroom, everyone stands to pay me respect."
The bishop said, "They stand? I have people kneel before me and kiss my ring."
To which the conductor replied, "Ha! I got you both...Read more
Hospital Report
An elderly gentleman was reading his recovery-room record at the hospital where I work.
He looked quite concerned at one notation.
"I know I was in a bit of a muddle, but I didn't realize I was that bad," he said to me apologetically. "I hope I didn't offend anyone."
He was greatly relieved when I explained the acronym in question meant "...Read more
The Pirate
A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate's peg-leg, hook, and eye patch, the sailor asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin' me out, a school...Read more