You guys like the website Amazon.com? It's like eBay, but the things you buy don't arrive smelling like cigarettes. Amazon is planning to open hundreds of actual physical bookstores. That's exciting because you don't see those much anymore and I think this could be the start of a whole trend of online retailers going real-world. For example, ...Read more
A tattoo shop in Vermont is currently offering a free tattoo of the outline of Bernie Sanders’ head. Or as they’re calling it, a “gramp stamp.”
The newest issue of Playboy does not feature any full-frontal nudity and instead focuses on social media. So be sure to pick up the final issue of Playboy.
Americans spent $5.4 billion on legal marijuana last year, which is more than they spent on Doritos, Cheetos, and Funyuns combined. Stoners would respond, but they were busy thinking about Doritos, Cheetos, and Funyuns combined.
- Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
- One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
- The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
- The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, ...Read more
Young Judy was having trouble with her computer, so she called Tony, the computer guy, over to her desk.
Tony clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error."
A puzzled expression came over Judy's face. "An ID Ten T Error?
What's that...Read more
What is posthumous work?
Something written by someone after they are dead!
What is the most slippery country in the world?
What is the strongest bird?
What is the smelliest city in America?
What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas?
A ladder in her stocking!
Who was the best ...Read more
Why did the Romans build straight roads?
So their soldiers didn't go around the bend!
When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?
Rust in peace!
What famous chiropodist ruled England?
William the Corn-cutter!
What English King invented the fireplace?
Alfred the grate!
What's ...Read more
“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.” How far would you go to follow the money trail? Would you have the courage to see how far you could go, or would you follow your instincts to walk away? Nigeria is a New York law student getting ready to graduate from college. An ...
Why don't apples smile when you go bobbing?
Because they're crab apples!
What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A blood hound!
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
What do you call a demon who slurps his food?
What do you have to take to become a coroner?
A ...Read more
Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1 hour lay-over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said "I heard Dallas was a big airport and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."
Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride, from Dayton, Ohio, to Washington, DC.
A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each grandson a bag.
The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. ...Read more
Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old nephew went with him when he returned to the airport. After verifying his seat number with the counter attendant, Brendan walked back to his relatives and stated that he'd have to wait an additional three hours in the airport.
"How come?," his nephew ...Read more
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork...Read more
A rabbi was called to a Miami Beach Nursing Home to perform a wedding.
An anxious old man met him at the door. The rabbi sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. "Do you love her?"
The old man replied, "I guess."
"Is she a good Jewish woman?"
"I don't know for sure," the old man answered.
"Does she have lots of money?" ...Read more
The phone rang as I was sitting down to my anticipated evening meal and, as I answered, I was greeted with, "Is this Wilhiam Wagenhoss?"
This didn't sound anything like my name, so I asked, "Who is calling?"
The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew Wilhiam ...Read more
1. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
2. When was the last time you tuned in to "Friends" and got a "Not Found 404" message?
3. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV.
4. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
5. A remote control has fewer buttons than a ...Read more
A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle...Read more
A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city.
Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the waiter...Read more
How is the witches team doing?
They're having a spell in the first division!
How do you make a werewolf stew?
Keep him waiting for two hours!
What do you call a skeleton that is always telling lies?
A boney phoney!
What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he goes out to work in the evening?
"Have a nice bite"!
Recently released documents show that former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer donated $50,000 to Martin O’Malley’s presidential campaign. It’s not the first time Spitzer spent that much on something that only lasted an hour.