Humor

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Entertainment

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

Scientists working on The Syracuse University Lava Project have discovered how to grill a steak using lava. The hard part is getting the cow up on the volcano.

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

This is a real question on the al-Qaida job application: "Have you ever been in jail or prison?" Usually that is a bad thing but in this case I don't know.

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

President Obama set a Guinness World Record as the fastest person to get a million Twitter followers. Obama now has as many followers as the Republicans have presidential candidates.

Conan O'Brien

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

Alfonso Ribeiro will replace Tom Bergeron as the new host of “America's Funniest Home Videos.” It’s great news for all those fans who watch “America’s Funniest Home Videos” for the host.

Jimmy Fallon

Turkey Football

Humor / Jokes /

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey ...Read more

Rules For Choosing A Superhero Name

Humor / Jokes /

Don't call yourself by your real name: e.g., The Incredible Jenny Pinchuck, The Amazing Stevie Foster.

Don't call yourself by someone else's real name: e.g., Super Teddy Kennedy, Captain Dean Martin.

Choose a name that suggests power, heroism and prowess: e.g., Captain Power, Thunderman, Mr. Invincible, Justiceman.

Don't be too modest: e.g.,...Read more

Cadets

Humor / Jokes /

The following is a quote from a director of sports infor- mation in the Navy, regarding the theft of some mascots from the Naval Academy by Army rivals:

"We knew Army cadets were involved because they cut through two fences to get to the goats, and 15 feet away there was an unlocked gate."

Quick Quotes

Humor / Jokes /

"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" --Richard Jeni

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"They do a lot of animal testing in the cosmetics industry, maybe they should brag about it in their ads. 'Aquanet hair spray, if it can blind a ...Read more

Quick Quotes

Humor / Jokes /

"Yesterday, a group of scientists warned that because of global warming, sea levels will rise so much that parts of New Jersey will be under water. The bad news? Parts of New Jersey won't be under water." --Conan O'Brien

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"The town of Clark, Texas has agreed to change its name to Dish, Texas after the dish network gave all its ...Read more

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

Chelsea Clinton has written a children's book titled “It’s Your World: Get Informed, Get Inspired & Get Going.” It’s a great book to read to your workaholic toddler.

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

I'd like to see a job interview for al-Qaida: "I see you spent eight years hating the great devil of the West. Can you tell me more?"

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

First lady Michelle Obama has posted an exercise video of her beating up a punching bag. But don't worry, Vice President Biden is going to be OK.

Conan O'Brien

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

Bernie Sanders made around $2,000 last year for two speeches and a TV appearance, compared to the $25 million the Clintons made. Making him the first person in history to run for president just because he really needs the money.

Jimmy Fallon

Big Turkey

Humor / Jokes /

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Thanksgiving Humor

Humor / Jokes /

Baby Billy was sitting in his mother's kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.

"What are you doing?" Billy asked.

"Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey," his mother replied.

"That's cool!" Billy said.

"Are you going to hang it next to the bear?"

Hearing Problems...

Humor / Jokes /

A concerned husband goes to see the family doctor and says, "I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time I say something, in fact, I often have to repeat things over and over again."

"Well," the doctor replies, "go home and tonight and stand about 15 feet from her and say something. If she doesn't reply, move about five ...Read more

The Pig

Humor / Jokes /

Walking home one night, this guy hears a, "Psst! Psst!-give me a hand with this pig would you?"

Looking into the shadows the guy sees his neighbor holding onto a restless and aggitated pig. "What the heck are you planning to do with that?" he asks.

"I'm carrying it indoors and putting in the bath tub."

"Why do you wanna do a crazy ...Read more

Quick Quotes

Humor / Jokes /

"Here's some sad news. Martha Stewart's "Apprentice" show has been cancelled. It's the same old story...hard to get a job when you're an ex-con." --Dave Letterman

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"Give you an idea how unpopular President Bush is right now, on his flight to Japan on Air Force One. He had to sit in coach." --Jay Leno

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"California voters rejected...Read more

Where's the Wife?

Humor / Jokes /

A man left work Friday afternoon, but, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend, hunting with the boys and spending his paycheck without telling his wife.

When he appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry spouse, who barraged him for two hours with a tirade of yelling.

Finally, she stopped the nagging ...Read more

Wisdom, from Seniors...

Humor / Jokes /

-- The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

-- The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

-- The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

-- Amazing! You hang something in your ...Read more

 

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