Apple is developing a service called Home Kit that will allow people to operate gadgets like garage openers and thermostats through one app. In related news, please don't tell my parents about this. I can't be explaining this stuff every week.
Sarah Palin went on Facebook to announce that her daughter Bristol's wedding has been called off. She said the two families will still get together on the wedding day to "celebrate life." In other words, the caterers already have been paid for.
This week Hillary Clinton joined the networking site LinkedIn. And you thought she was deleting a lot of emails before.
In a recent interview, the rapper 50 Cent said he is going to be supporting Hillary Clinton. Hillary would be excited but she doesn't get out of bed for less than a million cents.
After dinner one evening a the president was entertaining their house guest by playing the piano.
At one point he turned to the visitor, a fat conservative talk show host, and said, "I understand you love music."
"Yes," murmured the guest politely. "But never you mind. Keep right on playing ..."
For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the US to individuals and families with income below a level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments.
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which ...Read more
I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right.
The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps onto the...Read more
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill."
Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
Bills for $200.00 ...Read more
B: The Tale of the Halloween CatD.L. Luke
The night before Halloween in Hoboken, New Jersey, the Willow Witch summons Bernard, nicknamed B, and eight other strays to enter in the Black Cat Contest. Each contestant must find three ingredients for her witch’s brew. When the trials are complete, aye on Halloween night, the winner will...
Our local minister had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures made a few weeks ago.
The first Sunday, his sermon lasted 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached for an hour and a half.
I asked him about this. He then told me "well, John, that first Sunday, my gums were so...Read more
Sean Hannity asked yesterday why it is OK for President Obama's teenage daughters to go into stores and buy music chock-full of the N-word but not the Confederate flag. But how can you explain that to a guy who thinks kids still go into a store to buy music?
The Supreme Court ruled to preserve the Affordable Care Act, more commonly known as Obamacare, so we now can do anything we want. We could drink, smoke, jump mini-bikes off bridges, or play chainsaw tag if we want to. If we get hurt, it's not our problem. It's America's problem, together.
Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal is running for president. This is historic. He's a 44-year-old Indian-American whose real first name is Piyush. After hearing about it, President Obama said, "A young, non-white guy with a crazy name? Good luck with that."
Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal announced that he’s running for president, which makes him the 13th Republican to enter the race so far. Yeah, 13 Republican candidates — or as that’s also called, “A Banker’s Dozen.”
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and...Read more
One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging laundry when a tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog's collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and ...Read more
A friend of mine was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission.
Repeated requests for repair brought only promises.
After several days, the phone company was again contacted and told that there was no longer a rush.
The phone was now working fine--except ...Read more
Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the heck out of the dog.
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he ...Read more
As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them."
His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do...Read more
A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach.
The marriage counselor, trying to be creative, told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."