ArcaMax

While I was dining out with my children, a man came over to our table, and we started talking.

He asked where my kids go to school. I told him we home-schooled them.

With a raised eyebrow, he asked if my husband is the sole breadwinner for our family. I said, "No, I also work ... out of our home."

Then, noticing our two-month-old son, he ...Read more

The Anderson family just moved into their new home when a neighbor asked 5-year-old Tommy Anderson how he liked it.

“It’s great,” Tommy said. “I have my very own room and my brother Alex has his own room, and Jamie has her own room too! But poor mom, she is still with dad…”

There was a man who couldn't talk and he wanted to learn how.

So he went to an oprera and heard the singer go "Meeeeeeeeeeemeeeeeemeeeeeeee."

Next he went to a pottery store and heard a salesman going "Forks and knives, forks and knives."

Next, in the street he heard a kid go "He stole my lollipop!"

He walked around all day learning these ...Read more

Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday.

"Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.

"It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."

Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for 'Name of ...Read more

Anxious to 'include' as many minorities, religions and disabilities as possible, the human resources department of the University of Alberta has put up a Braille poster outside its main office. The poster has been placed inside a display case with a glass front.

[This is brought to you by the same geniuses who put braille instructions on ...Read more

Dear journal,

I, a T.J. Maxx price sticker, will know my own value, not just the value of name-brand designer merchandise at discounted prices.

I will stick boldly and blatantly in the middle of all products, especially the ones people intended to give as gifts. I will not be innocuously placed along the side of a box of holiday OPI nail ...Read more

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man; that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must ...Read more

- Paradox, New York
- Crapo, Maryland
- Boogertown, North Carolina
- Spasticville, Kansas
- Hellhole, Idaho
- Purgatory, Maine
- Girdletree, Maryland
- Rabbithash, Kentucky

When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."

"Your mother's side or your father's?" I asked.

"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."

"Oh, come now," I said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"

He sighed. "You ...Read more

The orthopaedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, and had fastened the seatbelt around it to stop it falling over. I hadn't considered the drive across town.

At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me ...Read more

"What insight could you possibly hope to gain from a man whose I.Q. wouldn't make a respectable earthquake?" --Diane Chambers (Shelley Long), CHEERS

---

"They have luggage stores in airports. Who forgets their suitcase? Have you ever seen a guy with an armload of shirts going, 'Hurray, a suitcase?'" --Jay Mohr

---

"The whole reason ...Read more

One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.

The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know."

The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a...Read more

In the traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a young woman was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket she received for driving through a red light. She explained to the judge that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time.

A wild gleam came into the judge's eyes....Read more

A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson & music books.

Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and thru the front door. "Oh ...Read more

A man was driving along a rural road when he realized he had to make a phone call. He was miles from a pay phone so he decided to stop in at the next farmhouse he found. As he was approaching a house he noticed a three-legged chicken racing along the road. He followed the chicken and clocked it at 45 miles per hour.

When the man got to the ...Read more

* The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.

* The Ten Commandments would actually be only five; double spaced and written in large font.

* A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.

* Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.

* Paul's letter to the...Read more