ArcaMax

Hey. Uh. How are you?

Another week has staggered by drunkenly along this melting clock of time. The collective tension in early April will be remembered, as one's doctor might say, as elevated.

Americans have been asked to process unconscionable global headlines while performing daily obligations in an every-man-for-himself economy. As one astute commenter on my newspaper's website put it, "It's like we're all locked in a room with a monkey with a machine gun."

Copious questions plague the mind: Will this fragile truce in the Middle East hold? Will the U.S. follow through on President Donald Trump's war-crimey threats to wipe out an entire civilization in Iran? What becomes of civilians caught in the crosshairs of unchecked bloodlust? Will more brave service members suffer for a conflict that might not even be legal? Will Congress ever return from its perma-vacation to the White Lotus?

First, let's tackle something simpler. Let's check in with each other, OK? Let's take a mental temperature, a wee peek at anxiety levels. Feel free to actually fill out this questionnaire and send it back to me. Seriously. Maybe we can share some of the responses.

How are you feeling today on a scale of one to 10? One being a sickly goat wandering past a 200-year-old farmhouse door coming off rusted hinges, 10 being an upper-middle-class Golden Retriever who gets an annual birthday cake and sleeps in a race car bed.

What is taking up space in your head? Is it the president's threats of genocide or the fact that you forgot to get avocados? Some combination?

How many days out of seven have you woken up disoriented and reached for your phone only to throw it across the bed?

How many nights out of seven have you stayed up too late on the couch knowing it will lead to morning disorientation because the quiet night is the place you find peace/revenge bedtime procrastination?

What's one thing you've done for yourself lately? Please specify with locations, menu items, prices, secret deals, configurations of friends, wardrobe suggestions and a broad review of the experience.

What's one thing you've done for someone else?

What's one thing you've done for mankind at large, which in turn helps you regain an iota of control in a narrative that feels increasingly like an extended viewing of "Marty Supreme" on LSD popcorn?

What's one really interesting thing you learned that you never knew before?

What recent conversation made you think about something in a new way, possibly changing an opinion?

What's one win you celebrated?

How have you rallied back from a loss?

What's one small detail you've noticed this week? A flower or a bird or a joke or a smile. Something that reaffirmed your belief in the inherent beauty of the world and the people in it. Be descriptive and saccharine and sentimental so that we might cosmically tilt the scales back in favor of something good and pure.

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Stephanie Hayes is a columnist at the Tampa Bay Times in Florida. Follow her at @stephrhayes on Instagram.

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