ArcaMax

SAN DIEGO -- I don't remember seeing anything this wild on NBC's "The Apprentice."

The religious tyrants who lead Iran must have read President Donald Trump's 1987 bestselling book, "The Art of the Deal." The book spells out Trump's favorite tricks for how to get the upper hand in any negotiation by aiming for the moon, maximizing leverage, controlling the narrative and preparing for the worst.

And based on what happened at the negotiating table, it appears the Ayatollahs are good students.

Trump recently acknowledged as much about the Iranians. About two weeks ago, while speaking to reporters at the White House, the real estate mogul gave props to his adversaries.

"They're not fools," Trump said. "They're very smart actually, in a certain way. And they're great negotiators. I say they're lousy fighters but they're great negotiators."

Here are five words that I never thought I'd write: You're too kind, Mr. President.

It wasn't "very smart" of Iran's leaders to spend the last half-century ruining their nation by squandering its natural resources and terrorizing its population. The greatest minds and risk takers escaped and formed one of the world's most impressive diasporas.

As for the Iranian's supposed negotiating prowess, if what we're seeing now is an example of great negotiating, I'd hate to see what bad negotiating looks like.

It's not great negotiating when you lie and move the goalposts and deal in bad faith. It's not great negotiating when you undermine trust in your position by saying one thing in public and another in private. It's not great negotiating when Iran claims that it is keeping tight control over the Strait of Hormuz and allowing only certain ships to pass through it if they pay a toll of $2 million per ship and allow Iranian vessels to escort them through the perilous waterway.

Those shenanigans are drawn from a different book, "The Art of Killing a Deal."

Supposedly, there is a two-week ceasefire in effect. But it seems to exist in name only. The fighting continues, and no one agrees on what has been agreed upon. The U.S. says the Strait of Hormuz will be opened; Iran says the international waterway will stay closed for the most part. Iran says the shelling of Lebanon, and its terror proxy Hezbollah, by Israel should stop because it was part of the ceasefire; the U.S. says Lebanon was not on the table. The U.S. says Iran has pledged not to further enrich its uranium to build a nuclear weapon; Iran insists it made no such pledge. And on and on.

The whole ceasefire is a mirage. It seems no one has agreed to anything, even though everyone is making demands.

The confusion about the terms of this alleged ceasefire comes as no surprise. Any agreement to ease hostilities was bound to be a mess. After all, since it began on Feb. 28, the entire war has been a mess.

For his part, Trump has made a lot of mistakes. I could list several. How much time do you have?

He began a war against a country, and a people, he didn't understand. He underestimated the Iranian regime's resilience, patience and tolerance for pain. He thought incorrectly that he could just photocopy his war plan for Venezuela and use it against Iran. He had no plan for how to fight a war in the Persian Gulf or end one. He wrongly assumed NATO would help reopen the Strait of Hormuz. He emboldened the Iranians by conceding the leverage they had because they controlled the Strait. He applied the same brutish style he has employed over decades of running his real estate empire to foreign relations, which is a whole new ballgame. Finally, he turned social media into his worst enemy by mocking the Muslim religion as well as issuing profane and apocalyptic threats against the Iranian people.

But the Iranian leaders also made at least one mistake, and it was catastrophic. It sent missiles and drones to attack the moderate Arab states in its neighborhood -- Qatar, Bahrain, the U.A.E., Saudi Arabia, etc. -- and forced to them to reassess their neutrality. Incredibly, those attacks have continued even after the ceasefire was announced. Those poor decisions will haunt Iran for generations.

Meanwhile, Trump has decided to leave the U.S. ships and military personnel who were moved to the Persian Gulf exactly where they are, in case the ceasefire falls apart.

Excuse me. What ceasefire is that?

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To find out more about Ruben Navarrette and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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