Do you suffer from tipping fatigue?
Tyrades! by Danny Tyree
I shudder to imagine how Aunt Marie (God rest her soul) would react to today’s explosion of expectations for tipping.
Even back in pre-inflationary times, Aunt Marie (who always worked hard for her money) was prone to greet hints for gratuities with a cranky, “I’ll give ‘em a dadgum tip, alright!” (With the understanding that she meant a teeth-jarring tip upside the head.)
Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you know that more and more venues and occupations are pushing for tips and that bare-minimum percentages are trending inexorably upwards.
(Heck, even if you have been living in a cave, you’ve probably encountered some stranger with his palm extended muttering, “*Ahem* I’m the essential person who told you which are stalactites and which are stalagmites. Debit, credit or cash?”)
A tip of 15 percent maintained harmony between diners and waitstaff for decades. Now the server infers, “After I leave this measly 15 percent, I’m going to drive to the cemetery in my diamond-encrusted Rolls Royce and spit on your father’s grave.”
For no discernible reason other than pandemic pressures, a range of 18-20 percent is now the starting point. One member of the etiquette god pantheon did try to explain it with “Well, the fluctuations of the euro…I mean, the emergence of systemic…aw, go ask your mother!”
We’re supposed to get with the program and accept that tipping has evolved. Fine, if it has evolved, let Bill Nye the Science Guy fork over an extra two bucks for my hoagie.
It’s supposedly a violation of the social compact if we hold a grudge against a restauranteur who just wants to live his dream. (“My dream has always been to share my grandmother’s delicious recipes with the whole world – and, oh yeah, to underpay my staff.”)
Some businesses are tacking on an automatic tip even before a delivery is made. (“Sorry I flattened your carport and your terrier on the way in. The extra five bucks should help calm my nerves.”)
Copyright 2023 Danny Tyree, All Rights Reserved. Credit: Cagle.com