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Dad Prepares For Daughter's Dating Years

Jim Daly on

Q: I'm the admittedly biased but proud father of a beautiful 16-year-old daughter. Predictably, I'm not the only one who's noticed how she's blossoming. She's getting increased attention from boys, so I expect The Dating Question will be coming up soon. Do you have any advice for interacting with and vetting any potential boyfriends?

Jim: I "only" raised two sons, so I feel for guys who have daughters -- and I certainly understand the concerns that go along with that. You don't necessarily want to fit the classic stereotype of the intimidating dad who threatens your daughter's dates. But you also shouldn't disappear into the shadows when young men start showing up at your doorstep.

One of a father's chief responsibilities is to protect your daughter. That's especially important when she's beginning to date. I'd suggest taking the approach recommended by author Dennis Rainey: Interview the boys who want to date your daughter, just like you would interview a prospective employee.

Before any dates are scheduled, meet with the boy who has expressed interest in your daughter and ask him some serious questions. You're seeking to determine if he's a mature and responsible young man of good character. You don't have to be combative or heavy-handed -- but do be clear about how you expect him to treat and behave toward your daughter. This isn't about intimidating the boy as much as it is promoting a sense of strong respect for your precious girl.

An added benefit to this exercise is that your daughter -- who WILL be watching closely -- will learn how to evaluate potential suitors on her own. And that's really the main point. Whether it's a high school boy or her future husband, the goal is for your daughter to understand, and rightfully expect, that she be treated with the respect and dignity she truly deserves.

Q: My wife is a legitimately beautiful woman. But when we go out she wears too much makeup (in my view) and hides her innate beauty. I've tried to drop subtle hints that she's prettier with less, but she's not getting it. What can I say to her?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: In all honesty, my friend, I suggest you tread VERY carefully here. Matters of appearance are highly personal decisions -- for both men and women -- and they're tied closely to our sense of identity. Furthermore, while honesty is essential in a marriage, it's also critical to respect boundaries and your mate's feelings.

 

So when dealing with delicate issues like this, first candidly identify the real issue. In your case, that means you need to carefully examine YOUR motives. Is the energy here about your own preferences or how your wife's appearance makes you feel? Or are you truly seeking her best interest: trying to encourage her in how she feels about herself, or helping her understand how others may be misperceiving her?

If an honest assessment points the finger back at yourself, I'd strongly recommend you keep your opinions to yourself -- unless your wife specifically asks for or invites them. If she does, limit your feedback to only positive reinforcement, highlighting those things about her appearance that you appreciate.

On the other hand, if she's shared with you some doubts or insecurity about her clothes or makeup, you might gently offer some suggestions -- again, primarily affirming the things she already does that you find attractive. Make sure to compliment her when she isn't wearing makeup. If she expresses an interest in a session or two with a beauty consultant, gladly foot the bill as your unconditional gift to her. Bottom line: Value and guard the beauty of your wife's heart above all else.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2026 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)


COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.

 

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