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Q: My wife and I have been noticing significant differences regarding how we each interact with our children. She tends to emphasize the rules, I'm a little more easygoing. What's your preferred approach?

Jim: I think many moms and dads tend to be black-and-white in their parenting. Their approach is like a light switch -- all one way or all the other. But what children really need is balance. So, instead, think of your parenting like a dimmer switch with a range of responses that meet your kids at the point of their current need.

For example, consider responsibility and affirmation. Some parents flick the switch all the way to the side of teaching responsibility. Their entire focus is on things like getting chores done, being on time or making good grades. These parents' demands are high, but they don't balance that with good doses of affirmation. It's all about following the rules.

Some parents flick the switch the other way. They affirm their kids in everything they do -- but don't require anything of them. Their sole purpose is to make their children happy, all the time. The problem is that the child gets the idea that they can have and do anything they want ... but never believes they should have to correct their own behavior.

Effective parenting isn't about rigid black-and-white thinking. It's about balance. Without affirmation, children will get discouraged. But they also need someone who will put their foot down and say, "This is right, and this is wrong." Kids need both elements -- and they get it when Mom and Dad parent like a dimmer switch with a range of responses.

Q: The past few months I have been struggling emotionally with a variety of personal challenges. Unfortunately, I know I've been taking it all out on my husband. How can I change this pattern?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I'd suggest you think about the pre-flight safety instructions the attendant gives on an airliner: If the oxygen masks deploy, put yours on first before helping others. In other words, appropriate self-care positions you to care for those you love.

With that background, now let me give you a word picture: Our emotions are like water in a glass. Normally, you wouldn't fill a glass to the brim. You'd leave a bit of room for the water to slosh around. If you get bumped, some water might spill out ... but that's OK. It's not a big issue. But imagine the glass filled to overflowing. Now you have a problem. The water is spilling everywhere and making a mess. If you tried pouring more water in the glass, you'd only make an even bigger mess.

Like the water in the glass, our emotions spill over when life overwhelms us. Emotional self-care is learning when to turn off the water before the glass overflows.

Think about all the challenges you've been facing. Is your glass full? Is it overflowing with stress and negative emotions? Sometimes, those emotions spill over into your marriage and affect your relationship with your spouse. That's why emotional self-care is important.

Self-care is about two things: doing what brings you rest and doing what brings you life. For example, putting puzzles together, reading or having a deep conversation might give you rest -- while something as simple as taking a walk can bring you life. Self-care can also include day-to-day activities such as:

-- Recognizing negative thoughts and counteracting them with truth

-- Breathing deeply to relax

-- Praying and meditating on Scripture

-- Exercising

So, remember: If your emotional "glass" is full-to-overflowing, appropriate self-care can help you drain a little off the top. It's worth the time and effort.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2026 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.