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Q: Sometimes my wife and I are at a loss as to how to motivate our kids to do their best without getting pushy. We want them to reach their full potential. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: My advice is actually pretty simple: Always be their cheerleader. Affirmation beats out criticism and negativity any day. But here's the catch -- make sure you're cheering for the right things.

To use an analogy, in a football game the cheerleaders don't yell for the offense when the defense is on the field. They motivate their team by cheering for the right things at the right times. And that requires paying attention to what's actually happening in the game at the moment.

That's also how you cheer for your children -- by focusing your encouragement on who they can realistically become with some grit and determination. Maybe your child won't thrive in sports; they might be better suited for intellectual pursuits or activities like playing an instrument, dance or art. Perhaps their academic ability isn't as strong in science or math as it is in history or composition. Take that into consideration at report card time. Requiring excellence from a child who isn't gifted in an area is like asking them to grow 12 inches taller, or to become an introvert or an extrovert when they're naturally wired the opposite.

Of course, you want your children to work hard in every area of their lives. But you won't motivate them to strive for their potential by expecting the impossible. Every person is gifted in some way (I highly recommend the insightful little book "8 Great Smarts" by Dr. Kathy Koch). Build your child's competence by helping them discover their natural gifts and talents. Then cheer them on to be the best they can be.

For more ideas to help your children thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My wife and I are generally good at having "constructive disagreements." But every so often our arguments get overheated. How can we keep a lid on things?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Unfortunately, it's easy to lose control when emotions are running high. Any of us can become irrational if we feel criticized, threatened, provoked, overwhelmed or just misunderstood. These feelings may not be wrong in and of themselves, but they can be expressed in inappropriate ways.

Before getting involved in a "frank discussion" with your spouse, examine yourself to make sure that your heart and intentions are in the right place. If either of you is afraid that the argument will spin out of control, the openness and honesty required to make the discussion a success may be hopelessly squelched.

In most marriages, one spouse tends to be more confrontational in arguments while the other adopts a quieter, more passive method of nagging or blaming. Both approaches are destructive. Sober, straightforward honesty is the most effective policy.

Let me emphasize: Physical violence is NEVER okay. If you feel threatened, put distance between you and the person endangering you. Call the police if necessary. And remember, physical violence doesn't stop without intervention.

No matter how much you and your spouse love each other, and no matter how strongly you want to avoid hurting each other, there will be times when disagreements get heated. Whatever happens, make forgiveness your number one priority. This doesn't mean that you'll necessarily agree. It certainly doesn't imply that abuse should be ignored or excused. It does mean giving up your determination to get revenge. Ultimately, try to seek and achieve win-win outcomes.

If you need help putting these concepts into practice, don't hesitate to call our counselors at 855-771-HELP (4357).

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2026 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.