ArcaMax

Q: I'm kind of dreading Christmas this year. We're basically obligated to hang out with extended family whose opinions on a number of issues clash with ours. Can you give us any advice for at least trying to keep things civil?

Jim: As the old saying goes, "You can choose your friends ... but not your family." We often discover how true that is during the holidays. Spending time with family members who see the world differently than you do can be stressful.

To fill this season with joy and peace instead of frustration and conflict, here are a few ideas to keep in mind:

First, try these three magical words: "Tell me more." Argumentative people are less likely to escalate if they feel heard. You don't have to agree. Just authentically listen to what they have to say before you speak. That decreases the likelihood of a conversation escalating into an argument that leads nowhere.

The second idea is to manage your expectations. Your family may not be as committed to a peaceful holiday as you are, so don't give up if things get off to a rocky start. Find a quiet spot to reset your focus, then stick to your plan. Listen well ... and concentrate on controlling the only person you can control: yourself.

Above all, bring a spirit of gratitude with you to your holiday gathering. You don't have to allow someone else to overshadow the many blessings you enjoy. You can choose to look past differences and find common ground wherever you can.

The best way to celebrate Christmas is to embody the character of the one whose birth is being celebrated. After all, the spirit of the season isn't about winning arguments. It's about sacrificing on behalf of others in faith, love and humility. I wish you the best.

Q: I heard someone talking about giving their children gifts of experiences. Do you have any thoughts about that?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: I might take that idea a step further. A dear friend and mentor often told me: "Don't forget to pump the brakes." He was emphasizing the importance of easing up when life is hectic. It's a special gift -- the gift of slowing down -- we should give our families and ourselves this Christmas.

Sadly, the parent-child relationship can just fly by if we let it. The gift of slowing down as a mom or dad allows for things to happen that are better than any toy you could buy for your kids. This discipline allows you to have:

-- Margin to play. Parental playfulness combined with warmth provides a safe and secure environment for children. It leads to deeper connection and may help reduce behavioral issues. Research shows that the quality of play is important. But you must slow down to figure out what high quality play looks like for each of your children.

-- Room for conversation. Rushed and distracted conversation can leave people feeling unimportant. Meaningful and satisfying conversations require the discipline and challenge of carefully listening -- an act of love. Slowing down allows for heart-to-heart interaction.

-- Time for learning and teaching. Take your time teaching your kids how to tie their shoes, wash dishes, manage their money, vacuum and cook. Do the same with vital matters of character like faith, kindness, responsibility and so on. Learning takes time, and teaching requires patience. Both benefit from slowing down.

The times I've felt most connected to my kids have been when I chose to "pump the brakes." The gift of slowing down is one your children will never forget, because that's when they are most likely to experience your deepest love and affirmation.

For more parenting tips, visit FocusOnParenting.com.

========

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2025 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.