Life Advice



Erika Ettin: What to do if you hate dating but still want to date

Erika Ettin, Tribune News Service on

Published in Dating Advice

Her: “Omg I was so put off I said yes. I def [sic] don’t want to go! What am I supposed to do???”

Me: “When he reaches out tomorrow or whenever to ask you out again or confirm plans, you just say to him something like this: ‘Hey! Thanks again for a fun time last night. After some thought, I don’t think this is the right fit for me, but I appreciate it and wish you nothing but the best.’”

Her: “OK. What do I do if that happens again?”

Me: “First of all, can we take a step back? You told me you hated dating… because a guy liked you tonight? ;) I know dating can be stressful and frustrating sometimes. But in this case, it’s a good problem to have. And I bet if you had liked him, you would be texting me that you were so excited he asked you out on the spot for a second date! I definitely don’t want to belittle how you feel of course. Anyway, if it happens again, just say something like, ‘Feel free to be in touch.’ It’s not a yes, and it’s not a no. Then you can use the same line if he reaches out. I realize that you don’t want to reject someone to his face, and I agree that that is pretty harsh.”

Her: “OK. Thanks – was just feeling defeated.”

Me: “I know. Remember that if you’re going to hit it off with one out of every X number of people, that person could be number 1, 2, or X. And X could be on your calendar tomorrow.”


The important thing to remember is that dating can absolutely be frustrating. And that feeling is real. And completely normal.

It’s hard when you like someone and that person doesn’t like you… or someone likes you and you don’t like that person. It’s hard when you have five ‘meh’ dates in a row.

Sometimes (often) it takes a good amount of time to find that reciprocity. But each date gets you closer.

One former client of mine brags that her now-husband was the 26th date I sent her out on… and she thought that was a low number!

As hard as it is, try to put less pressure on each date and remember that anything can change in a day.

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