Ask Amy: Sister hesitates to give niece advice
There is one daughter in particular with whom she has the most problems. Perhaps they are more like each other – I’m not sure.
That daughter contacted me yesterday via text, asking me if I could give her some advice for dealing with her mom.
I can’t imagine how hard it was growing up with a bipolar parent. I dodged her request. I also told her that perhaps her dad could help her better than I can because he knows both her and her mom the best.
I’m very reluctant to get involved in any difficulties between her and her mom.
I love them both, but what should I do?
– Confused
Dear Confused: Your sister’s illness has had a profound effect on all of you. You see her qualities and positive traits, and I hope you will anchor to this knowledge and respond to your niece’s request for advice.
You’ve dodged her “ask,” but you don’t seem to know the question, yet. She may need mainly to express her own frustrations or concerns.
You might be able to pass along some of your own strategies for maintaining a relationship with her mother.
In my experience, when people ask for advice (versus being offered unsolicited advice), they are more likely to listen intently, consider it carefully, and (sometimes) follow it.
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