Ask Amy: Sister hesitates to give niece advice
– Grieving Daughter
Dear Grieving: There is no one answer to this. Some families who have the means will cater a lunch. Other families will welcome mourners (many bearing casseroles), back to the home, where a friend or more distant family member will help to organize and serve.
Others will meet at the corner pub to raise a glass in memory of the departed.
In my church community, a group of volunteers fixes a simple lunch for those who attended a funeral at the church; the funds are donated by others.
These gatherings can be positive experiences for family members; no doubt sometimes they are also absolutely exhausting.
No matter what, you (the grieving party), were not responsible to pay for, feed and entertain people after your father’s funeral.
The remarks you overheard were unconscionable, and have added to your burden during a very difficult time. I’m very sorry.
Dear Amy: I read your response to “Unsure” with my mouth open.
Some 17 years ago, I had an online relationship just like Unsure’s.
Although I did meet my online person in real life, he had all the power because I forfeited it, and I hung on far too long hoping and, sadly, even begging after he'd clearly moved on with a real-life partner.
Hindsight shows I passed up several opportunities to create my own real-life happiness holding onto that virtual attachment, and I'm now alone.
I really hope Unsure takes your sage advice.
– Been There
Dear Been There: There’s still time for you. I hope you’ll use it well.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
©2023 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
