Ask Amy: Even with sobriety, alcohol dominates marriage
I never hounded him about not wanting to go out and would go by myself.
We had a lot in common and a healthy intimate relationship.
I was sad and confused when he said he wanted to break up. I started crying and asked him why he was doing this.
He answered that I was being selfish if I wanted him to stay with me as a couple. He said he felt trapped. I didn’t expect to hear that, either.
I’ve always seen myself as a giving, loving person. I never imagined that anyone would ever call me selfish. That hurt almost as much as the break-up.
I told him that I wouldn’t stay where I wasn’t wanted, and made arrangements to move out.
Can loving someone be a selfish act?
— Suddenly Single
Dear Suddenly Single: People say hurtful things when they’re pushing a partner away.
The way I would interpret your ex’s “selfish” statement refers back to the old aphorism, “If you love something, let it go.”
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