Ask Amy: Even with sobriety, alcohol dominates marriage
How do I get her to see that she can still enjoy these same events without using alcohol as a crutch?
— Sober Husband
Dear Sober: Your wife has managed to give up alcohol, but she has not successfully dealt with the underlying reasons she used alcohol in the first place.
In recovery and 12-step circles, her challenges might be called “dry drunk syndrome.” Her crutch is gone, and now she is limping along, trying to function without it.
Even though your wife gave up drinking quickly, prompted by the videotaped shame of seeing what alcohol abuse was doing to her (and propped up by your subsequent sober support), she would still benefit from seeing an addiction specialist, a therapist, and/or by attending meetings with others in recovery.
Spending time regularly talking with others who also struggle to “white knuckle” their way into and through recovery might help her to understand her anxious responses, and to feel less alone.
I hope you’ll be patient and supportive as your wife continues in the life-changing process of recovery.
Dear Amy: My partner and I have broken up. I was blindsided.
I thought he was happy with me, although he was struggling with depression and undiagnosed (but obvious) ADHD.
I adjusted my expectations and behavior to accommodate him on many occasions because I also have depression, so I understand the need for flexibility.
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