Ask Amy: For worriers, it’s always time to make the donuts
Developing loving and compassionate detachment is a process that involves a certain amount of realistic self-assessment. Some people are temperamentally more inclined toward worry than others. And any time your child struggles with serious health issues, this will trigger a wave of worry.
It’s helpful to ask yourself realistically what purpose your worrying serves.
Does your fretting serve your children, ease their pain, or soothe their wounds?
Does it make you (or them) stronger or more resilient? Does it make you a better person or parent, or better able to serve your own highest purpose?
No. Worrying diverts your mind and saps your strength.
Worrying expresses a parent’s clutching desire to control the outcome, even when they know they can’t.
If you truly understand and accept your powerlessness; if you accept that other adults have the right to make choices – even bad ones – you will see that oftentimes the most powerful thing you can do is to abide with others through their challenges.
I often picture this powerful witnessing process as holding hands and walking together – neither leading nor being led.
Letting go of your need to worry is liberating – even for the person you are worrying about.
And once you truly understand that you don’t have to make the donuts, you will experience your most tender relationships in a new way.
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