ArcaMax

I’m accepting your assumption that things are so bad between you two adults that you consider them intolerable, but understand that as you move forward – now with a child of your own – this practice of celebrating separate holidays, etc., will become even more complicated. Some families do manage to engage in parallel relationships where individuals can gather as part of a group without interacting personally, but if you can’t do this, then continue to do your best to have an ongoing healthy and unfettered relationship with your nieces.

Dear Amy: I would like to inform my children of my intended plans for distributing my estate after my death.

How can I lovingly bequeath my funds without “ruffling feathers?”

I have three daughters. Only one is married, with two children.

In preparing my will, I would like to leave each of my grandchildren 2 percent of my remaining funds, and equally split the balance between my three daughters, at 32 percent each.

I’m afraid that one of them will look upon this distribution as her married sibling getting a larger share (believing the 2 percent should come from the married daughter’s one-third equitable share).

I would like input from you and readers on my intended plan, and how to overcome any hard feelings on the part of one of my daughters.

– Planning

Dear Planning: Your planned distribution of your assets seems equitable and fair. Many people choose to give to grandchildren and other family members separately from their own children. It’s your money and you have the right to spend it however you want!

Given how painstakingly you have worked this out, I’m wondering why you feel compelled to share these details with your daughters.

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