Ask Amy: A night out could lead to July Fourth fireworks
George was unfazed, and blamed it on Janet’s drinking that evening. He has since invited us to other events (with Janet). We have declined and reiterated the reason.
A friend is hosting a Fourth of July party and my fiancé wants to go.
George and Janet will definitely be there.
Do we go? If so, I am most certain I will address this – in person!
What is your take on this? Do you agree that we should keep our distance from Janet?
– Protective Fiancée
Dear Protective: Your fiancé’s response to this unwanted and uninvited touching is extremely common.
People who have never experienced this sometimes criticize the victim for not speaking up in the moment. But the nearly universal response to this sort of violation is to first freeze – and then to create distance (a smart protective move).
My take on Janet’s behavior is that she is a boundary-crosser who believes she can get away with it – in part because she is a woman.
Whether consciously or not, she is counting on a double-standard regarding how people tend to respond when men’s physical boundaries are violated.
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