Ask Amy: Husband worries about in-law’s largesse
Any suggestions for if I can say anything directly, or how to keep calm about this?
I would really appreciate an outside perspective.
– Upset Husband
Dear Husband: First of all, there is nothing wrong with graciously accepting a gift. Some prosperous parents are choosing to essentially spend down their inheritance during their lifetimes.
You should ask yourself if your refusal is a result of you being too rigid or possibly as controlling as these parents seem to be. (I’m not saying you are, but you should explore this honestly.)
Your wife has the right to accept money from her folks, but she should also understand the ramifications in terms of ceding control over to them.
Their disrespectful response that they will open an account in your wife’s name (I don’t think you can do this) is … significant. That sound you hear is them leaping over your backyard fence.
You and your wife are supposed to be partners: Emotional, relational, and financial.
When you married, you decided to form a family together, with the two of you in the center of your family. Both sets of parents should respect your partnership and take one giant step back.
While any of us might not want to look a financial gift-horse in the mouth, the way you describe these elders and their refusal to take “thanks but no thanks” as an answer makes them seem both interfering and controlling.
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