Ask Amy: New wife ruminates on drunk-scrolling
Your husband’s past belongs to him. You don’t really have the right to claim it, shape it, or to let his past dominate your future.
Your husband isn’t sexually vulgar with you because he is sober. He doesn’t objectify you the way he objectified random women on Instagram because he knows you. He loves you. He is happy, you’re the mother of the children he loves, and he is no longer that lonely dude drunk-scrolling into the void.
You could work through this with a counselor but know this: While it is important for you to pay attention to your own instincts, your insecurity and jealousy could actually poison what sounds like a good thing.
You should communicate your wants, needs, and desires (vulgar or otherwise) to him, and he should be transparent and patient with you.
Trust is a choice. It’s one you really should make.
Dear Amy: I’m a fan. I’m responding to “Faithful Reader,” who objects to using “they” as a singular pronoun.
News flash for them and other readers: “They” has always been a singular pronoun. People use it all the time. They now only object to the intentional use of it, because they don’t like having their views of gender or language challenged.
Dear Upset: “Faithful Reader” is one of many, many people who have complained over my use of the word “they” when referring to an individual. The refrain is always the same: “‘They’ is plural!”
The subtext is also familiar and is exactly as you describe.