Ask Amy: Car sale goes sideways, feelings follow
Dear Amy: I had some truly dear friends for over 10 years who were with me through good times and bad.
They moved away. I try to keep in touch, but I find that I am always the one to initiate contact; they never make the first move to call or send a text.
While I love these friends dearly, I can’t help but wonder if they were “seasonal” friends, and now it’s time for me to move on.
Should I communicate my feelings, or just let things go and be grateful for the good times we had?
– Lost in LA
Dear Lost: The most important aspect of this dilemma is how you feel when you communicate with these friends. Do you sense that they are delighted to hear from you? Do they take an interest in your updates? Do they follow a phone call from you with a text telling you how nice it was to catch up?
My point is that some people don’t ever seem to initiate, for a variety of reasons – some of which have nothing to do with how they feel about you. Something as simple as a time zone difference can throw people off (if you’re on the West Coast and they’ve moved east).
You can certainly tell them: “I love catching up with you, but I always make the first move. It’s pretty frustrating, and I’m trying not to take it personally.”
This sort of statement doesn’t terminate the friendship, but opens the door for them to acknowledge, apologize, and make an effort to get back on track with you.
After that, you can go quiet if you want to, knowing that you’ve stated your case, without guilting them into a corner.