Life Advice



Ask Amy: Girlfriend doesn’t want to hang with the nudes

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

(May 2011)

Dear Amy: You answered a letter from a woman (“Distraught) who said her husband was addicted to pornography. You’ve said (among other things) that pornography "desensitizes" people to actual physical encounters.

I, like millions of older men, view porn online, and I'm not desensitized.

I'm frustrated because my wife, like millions of other wives, has let herself go and is no longer interested in sex. Maybe Distraught needs to try to wear something sexy to get her husband interested.

We know our wives are not 20, 30 or even 40 anymore, but we still love them. We've put on weight and don't look the same as we did 30 or 40 years ago, either, but we still want to be intimate with our wives.

I've been married for almost 40 years. We have not been intimate in more than 15 years.

I have bought my wife many sexy teddies and other lingerie, only to be told that she didn't like wearing that kind of stuff.

I bought her plus-size teddies, but she won’t wear them. She never wears anything even slightly sexy.


– Frustrated in the South

Dear Frustrated: The idea of plus-size teddies does not thrill every plus-size woman. Maybe your wife would like to be thought beautiful, sexy, and desirable in flannel. Only one thing is certain: Sexy lingerie won't fix this. You'll have to try to find another way to communicate.

(October 2011)


(You can email Amy Dickinson at or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

©2021 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.




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