Life Advice



Ask Amy: Parents teach daughter how to be a 'sugar mama'

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: My 21-year-old daughter (a senior in college) met her boyfriend two weeks into her freshman year (he is 23).

He asked to come live with us after his graduation.

There are far more job opportunities where we live than in his rural hometown or their college town. We agreed and have treated him like our fifth child. We support him in every way. He works a minimum wage part-time job at a retail store and is taking online graduate courses. He is not looking for real career employment. She is back at school.

I just learned that my daughter and he agreed that she will be the breadwinner. He’s waiting to hear what medical school she gets into so he can go with her.

Her student loans will cover their living expenses.

He uses phrases like, “Free food is the best food,” and includes his toiletries on my shopping list.


I’ve begged my daughter to see that he’s just using all of us for his free ride. I’m sick to my stomach watching her be used like this!

We’ve begged her to see what’s going on.

If I kick him out or charge him rent, he’ll just go live with her in the dorm room (that we pay for). I just want to save her from a lifetime of providing for a deadbeat, as his sugar mama.

— Need Help in Chicago


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