ArcaMax

Dear Amy: I am a woman in my mid-20s. In junior high school, I was sexually abused by a classmate. When I went to a teacher for help, my concerns were dismissed as "boys being boys." I was told that this abuse just meant that the boy in question liked me.

After my teacher failed to help me, I tried to reach out to my parents. I was terrified to tell them, because they are devout Christians and had always taught that premarital sex was not acceptable. I was afraid that they would blame me, and my abuser used this fear against me by threatening to tell others that I was "easy."

I tried to talk to my dad about it, but I hinted around it to see how he would take it. He was agitated and talked about how whatever I did now with someone would take away from my future spouse's relationship with me. My takeaway was: "You are ruined by what has happened to you, and no one else will want you."

This began a long path of self-hatred and blaming myself. I began to withdraw, I began to self-harm, I developed disordered eating, and my parents often fought with me about my "moodiness" or "being difficult."

I never told them about the abuse.

I have been going to therapy, and one thing that I keep coming back to is telling my parents about what happened.

I have been afraid that they will react poorly, or blame me, or view me differently. I want them to understand that I wasn't a bad kid, but that I was a kid who was hurting and didn't know how to ask for help.

I worry that if I tell my dad about my past, I will break his heart and he will blame himself. I think enough self-blame and self-hatred have infected my life, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Best-case scenario, this would help me find closure. Worst-case scenario, it could damage my relationship with my parents.

I am at a loss. Should I keep this as a secret from my parents?

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