ArcaMax

Dear Amy: I am a woman in my mid-20s. In junior high school, I was sexually abused by a classmate. When I went to a teacher for help, my concerns were dismissed as "boys being boys." I was told that this abuse just meant that the boy in question liked me.

After my teacher failed to help me, I tried to reach out to my parents. I was terrified to tell them, because they are devout Christians and had always taught that premarital sex was not acceptable. I was afraid that they would blame me, and my abuser used this fear against me by threatening to tell others that I was "easy."

I tried to talk to my dad about it, but I hinted around it to see how he would take it. He was agitated and talked about how whatever I did now with someone would take away from my future spouse's relationship with me. My takeaway was: "You are ruined by what has happened to you, and no one else will want you."

This began a long path of self-hatred and blaming myself. I began to withdraw, I began to self-harm, I developed disordered eating, and my parents often fought with me about my "moodiness" or "being difficult."

I never told them about the abuse.

I have been going to therapy, and one thing that I keep coming back to is telling my parents about what happened.

I have been afraid that they will react poorly, or blame me, or view me differently. I want them to understand that I wasn't a bad kid, but that I was a kid who was hurting and didn't know how to ask for help.

I worry that if I tell my dad about my past, I will break his heart and he will blame himself. I think enough self-blame and self-hatred have infected my life, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Best-case scenario, this would help me find closure. Worst-case scenario, it could damage my relationship with my parents.

I am at a loss. Should I keep this as a secret from my parents?

-- Old Wounds

Dear Old Wounds: No, I don't think you should keep this a secret. You should work this through with your therapist's help. You might ask your parents to meet with you in your therapist's office so you will have guided coaching to handle your disclosure.

As a parent, I can tell you that a child's pain cuts a parent very, very deep. Your parents might not immediately react in any expected or anticipated way.

Yes, they might feel heartbroken, confused, and guilty. They may lash out -- or try to deny this episode or diminish its impact on you.

They might need time to figure out how to be appropriately supportive. But you should give them the opportunity to love you through this. This will be a challenging process for all of you, but it is one you should initiate -- when you are ready.

Dear Amy: My husband and I have been divorced for over 15 years and see each frequently at our family gatherings. Neither of us has a significant other.

Our youngest daughter eloped in November and wants to have a reception this summer. My ex-husband is very financially stable and owns his home, vehicles, and a boat.

I (on the other hand) live paycheck to paycheck. I just started collecting Social Security and still struggle.

He told me he would pay $5,000 for the reception if I paid $1,000.

I cannot afford to pay anything toward this wedding and told him so. What do you suggest?

-- Broke Bride's Mom

Dear Mom: I suggest that your daughter enjoy her $5,000 (or $4,000, or whatever her father decides to donate) reception.

You can be helpful by finding ways to help your daughter stretch this money the furthest.

Dear Amy: I'm responding to the touching note from "My Son's Mom." Her son had been in trouble, and she wondered about contacting various counselors to let them know that he was graduating from high school.

As a legal services attorney serving justice-involved youth, I want to encourage this mom to share the good news.

I feel such joy when I receive notes about the progress and milestones of the youth I have worked with.

Thank you to the parents and youth who let us know their achievements.

We love making a difference.

-- Patti

Dear Patti: Thank you for doing good work.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)