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Health & Spirit

Widower deals with 'don't marry' demand

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: After many decades of marriage to a wonderful woman, I find myself in my third year as a widower. Despite having many friends, an active church life, and a very loving family, I am lonely.

To alleviate my loneliness, I have asked several women to accompany me to various activities, like concerts, plays etc.

I shared my feelings with my adult children and told them that I have started to date. We are a close family of kids, spouses and grandchildren.

However, I was in for a shock, when one of my children asked me to promise that I would never get married again.

Marrying again had not crossed my mind until this demand.

I briefly reviewed in my head the criteria a potential new spouse would have to meet in regard to feelings, compatibility, religion, etc. Then I answered that I cannot make that promise. Needless to say, interactions with this child have been a bit frosty ever since.

 

I am not a person who takes a promise lightly, so I didn't want to rule out a future marriage if the right person came along.

Can you offer your advice?

-- Wondering Widower

Dear Wondering: You are wise to state outright that you will continue to live your life on your own terms, and that includes having relationships and possibly marriage down the road. Your child should never have asked you to make such a promise. To do so is to deny your right to make the sort of choices any adult has every right to make.

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