Life Advice



Widower deals with 'don't marry' demand

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Conflicted: So far, you seem to have made many important choices in a reactive way -- you've bounced in and out of this relationship with a man who has been physically and verbally abusive. His situation seems to be deteriorating, and you are thinking of bouncing.

How can you leave this man who has terminal cancer? How can a man physically abuse a woman he is supposed to love? Human beings are sometimes inhumane.

Yes, you should have left a long time ago. Now you have to behave in a way that is both humane toward him, and protective toward yourself.

Your own mother's death may have unlocked something inside you. Call it a self-protective spirit. Perhaps she worried about you as you have cycled through this abusive cycle.

You should move out. But you should also consider remaining in a friendship with this man, in order to be supportive and emotionally -- if not physically -- present.

Dear Amy: Responding to "Stressed Server," who was so upset over negative online reviews of her café, whatever happened to: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything?" The way you tip speaks volumes, anyway.


-- Café Customer

Dear Customer: I think the internet pretty much destroyed that useful maxim.


(You can email Amy Dickinson at or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)




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