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Girlfriend doesn't want to share her Amazon account

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Annoyed: If your boyfriend is a functioning 37-year-old man, then his mother's shopping issues should (first) be her problem, then (possibly) his problem, but not yours.

You seem to have several concerns with his mother, all of them relating to boundaries and the fact that he won't correct her or advocate for himself, or you.

You'll have to tell her, "I really don't want to continue to do this on my account. Maybe 'Robby' can help you."

Amazon allows for shoppers to pay for purchases via checking account. If your boyfriend is willing to set up an account for her on his computer, she could make these purchases herself.

In terms of the larger question of boundaries, understand that this dynamic seems built in to their family's system. You cannot count on the dynamic to change. If it doesn't change, you are going to have to make some changes of your own. You will have to assert firm boundaries, expressing yourself respectfully and in a very no-nonsense way. Do not offer elaborate excuses or explanations, and don't avail yourself for solving their problems.

Dear Amy: I have had a male friend for several years, and we would go to lunch once a month or so. I always initiate contact; he has never contacted me first. This is a platonic relationship -- I am a woman (married to a man) and he is gay. We like many of the same things, and I enjoy our lively conversations about life, music, art, etc.

 

Last summer, we spent a day together in San Francisco, and I thought he enjoyed it as much as I did. Two months ago, I called him and we made plans to go to a movie. The day before, he emailed me to cancel, and I haven't heard from him since. Usually I am the one to call him and make arrangements, and this feels very one-sided. Should I just let this relationship die? He always tells me that I am a good friend. If that's true, then why the silence?

-- Bewildered

Dear Bewildered: The dynamic of your relationship seems consistent, in that you are always the initiator.

It's possible that he doesn't want to initiate or intrude because you are married. He might be struggling with personal problems you're not aware of.

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