ArcaMax

10. Musical Recliners

9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta

8. Hide and Go Pee

7. Simon Says Something Incoherent

6. Doc, Doc Goose

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over

4. Kick the Bucket

3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear

2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy

1. Sag, You're It!

There were two guys on a motorcycle driving down the road. The driver was wearing a leather jacket that didn't have a zipper or any buttons.

Finally he stopped the bike and told the other guy, "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in my chest."

After thinking for a while he decided to put the coat on backwards to block the air from ...Read more

Three travelers, an American, a Russian, and an Egyptian, were circumnavigating the globe a la Jules Verne. The Russian man put his hand out and reached down into the clouds.

"Aaah!" he said. "We're right over my homeland."

"How can you tell?" asked the American.

"I can feel the cold air." he replied.

A few days later the African man put ...Read more

"It's tennis elbow," my doctor said matter-of-factly.

"That's impossible," I responded, massaging my sore elbow. "I don't play tennis."

She sighed. "It's just called that because it's a repetitive injury that is commonly seen in tennis players."

"Well, the only thing I do repetitively with that arm is change the channel with my remote. In ...Read more

My feet have always been extremely ticklish. Despite this unfortunate fact, I also like having presentable tootsies. And I don't enjoy doing my own nails.

So, in spite of myself, I get a pedicure almost every month. I've never enjoyed the process, never relaxed into a puddle of skin and bones and surrendered like other people in massage ...Read more

Having been a mom for many, many years, I've figured out how to cook enough basic meals to keep my family alive. However, since I only have about a half dozen dishes that I've perfected, it was just a matter of time before my family got completely sick of my cooking. Even the dog was sick of the scraps that fell on the floor. This coming from ...Read more

Yawn. Time for another sun-dappled morning of human existence, drinking in the beauty of the natural world. Let me just turn off the phone alarm. Oop. News alert.

Former Anthropic researcher warns AI could kill us all.

Oh.

Coffee.

OK, it says here that multiple AI researchers are sounding alarms that the rapid expansion of ...Read more

"We need to talk about the elephant in the room," said my husband.

I gulped and nodded. It was a conversation I had tried to avoid for some time, but it was clear that there was no putting it off any longer. This was something that was not going to get better on its own. It had to be addressed.

"The elephant has got to go," he said ...Read more

Dear Lake America,

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

Gosh, sorry. I never know how to start. You'd think I'd be smoother at dispensing advice, but I'm the same awkward ocean basin I've always been.

It's been more than a year since I, the Gulf of Mexico, was renamed against my will as the Gulf of America. Now I am morally ...Read more

I recently experienced something of a meltdown in the egg aisle at the supermarket over which kind of eggs to buy. After much consideration, I finally settled on the eggs I wanted (organic, free-range and cage-free), when I discovered another problem.

When I opened the egg carton I'd selected, there was an egg missing.

Having been the victim...Read more

Greetings, students.

With school in session, you're probably learning mnemonic devices, handy sayings and acronyms. "Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally" helps with the order of operations in math. Likewise, "My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Noodles" stands for the planets.

But have you heard of DARVO? Oh, you must learn DARVO. DARVO will...Read more

Like many women I know, I have a vast array of shoes. Unlike clothing, shoes, for the most part, continue to fit whether you gain or lose weight, so they are the bright spot in a sometimes cruel and taunting closet. For this reason, women take their shoes very seriously and many will spend quite some time organizing their shoes by height, ...Read more

If you drive north on U.S. 19 for hours, turning only at the end of the journey, you'll reach the Florida State Capitol. Almost one clean shot takes you to the hub of state government, a formal house of lawmaking festooned with candy-striped awnings.

I suggest this road trip if you're ever so inclined. Sure, it might save time to hop on an ...Read more

"Oh boy!" exclaimed my husband. "There's a hot sauce shop in town!"

We were away antiquing for the weekend in a quaint village populated by bed-and-breakfasts, art galleries and, apparently, a hot sauce shop. For my husband, this was like discovering that someone had bought you a lottery ticket and you won ... if the lottery prize was a ...Read more