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LaVar Ball Didn't 'Give Thanks' To Trump

Humor / Jokes /

Thanksgiving is a time of the year for family. So the President is tweet-attacking one.

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

Tomorrow, President Trump will pardon a turkey at the White House. Then he’ll spend the next week criticizing it for not thanking him enough.

Jimmy Fallon

Secret to a Long Marriage

Humor / Jokes /

Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage.

They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home.

The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays.

Two Doctors

Humor / Jokes /

Over a round of golf, two doctors were talking shop.

"I operated on Mr. Lee the other day," said the surgeon.

"What for?" asked his colleague.

"About $17,000."

"What did he have?"

"Oh... About $17,000."

The Presbyope

Humor / Jokes /

Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. "Now that you're over 40," the doctor told him, "you've developed a condition called 'presbyopia,' in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to."

Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. "...Read more

Co-Author

Humor / Jokes /

Teacher: Vincent, not to be presumptuous, but your short story is truly fantastic. Did you really write it?

Vincent: Yes, I wrote, while my mother dictated..

Knock Knock! Who's There?

Humor / Jokes /

Archie.

Archie Who?

Gesundtheit!

Getting Back At Your Flaky Friends

Humor / Jokes /

The only thing worse than flaking is premature rage texting.

Justice League: The B Team

Humor / Jokes /

When Batman (Ben Affleck) can't call on Justice League members Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg, or The Flash, he's gotta call in The B Team.

Late Night Funny #4'

Humor / Jokes /

According to a new study, sweat might one day be used to unlock smartphones. So get ready to all be hacked by Steve Bannon.

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

President Trump met with Republican lawmakers in the basement of the Capitol today just before they voted on the new tax reform bill, and nobody was more excited to see them down there than Eric. “Welcome to my basement, Father! Father, come. The bucket is a chair.”

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

Have you been following this story about the UCLA basketball players who were arrested in China for shoplifting? President Trump helped get them released and yesterday they publicly thanked him. So today, Donald Trump tweeted, “To the three UCLA basketball players I say: You’re welcome.”

...Read more

Trump vs. LaVar Ball; White House Sides with Roy Moore: A Closer Look

Humor / Jokes /

Seth takes a closer look at how Republicans are trying to sell their tax plan while the White House seems to have settled on a different message: vote for an accused sexual predator, and leave American citizens imprisoned in China.

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

Two more women have come forward accusing Roy Moore of making unwanted advances at the mall, which explains that new slogan, “Amazon: So you don’t run into Roy Moore at the mall.”

Jimmy Fallon

China Will Never Catch Up

Humor / Jokes /

Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.

Fishing Trip

Humor / Jokes /

A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Please pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."

The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his ...Read more

If Restaurants Functioned Like Tech Support

Humor / Jokes /

Patron: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Patron: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.

Patron: Even when I use the fork...Read more

For his part

Humor / Jokes /

What did the bald man say when he was given a comb for his birthday?"

"Oh, thank you! I'll never part with it!"

Changing Times

Humor / Jokes /

A big mouth college student challenged a senior citizen saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his world. "You grew up in a different world," the student said.

"Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, nuclear energy, computers, the internet..."

Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the senior ...Read more

If Hand Turkeys Were Real

Humor / Jokes /

Some people call them a crime against god, other people call them just plain delicious!

 

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