ArcaMax

Me: "Hi. This is Tracy Beckerman. I need to schedule a follow-up appointment with the plumber."

Plumber's Assistant: "Hey, my sister's name is Tracy. That's so funny! Do you spell it with an 'e' or no 'e'?"

Me: "Um, no 'e'."

PA: "My sister doesn't spell it with an 'e,' either. I mean, who needs an extra letter for no reason. LOL!"

Me: "...Read more

There were 11 people - ten men and one woman - hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.

They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life ...Read more

A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, "Is this it?"

God said, "No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live."

Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have ...Read more

Two mathematicians were having dinner in a restaurant, arguing about the average mathematical knowledge of the American public. One mathematician claimed that this average was woefully inadequate, the other maintained that it was surprisingly high.

"I'll tell you what," said the cynic, "ask that waitress a simple math question. If she gets it ...Read more

A fellow walked into a Baskin & Robbins Ice Cream Parlor on a very hot summery day.

He ordered a double scooped chocolate cone, received it, and then walked away.

Outside on the sidewalk he paused for a bit, then he pulled out a pair of red birds, sat down on a nearby bench with his birds, and placed them on top of his fudgie.

A passerby who ...Read more

Seven year old Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.

Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that John was misbehaving.

"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny here for two months and I never called you once when he misbehaved."

- If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over!

- To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!

- If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend".

- Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

- To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

- To improve your appearance, ...Read more

A little boy turned to his grandpa and said, "Grandpa, please talk like a frog." Grandpa replied, "What? I'm not going to talk like a frog!"

The little boy again asked, "Come on, Grandpa. Talk like a frog, please." Grandpa again said, "No! Go bother your grandmother." The little boy finally gave up and left.

A little while later, the little ...Read more

When I was a child, I remember my Mom telling me, "Son, when you grow up, you can marry any girl you please."

When I became a young man, I learned the sad fact was that I could not please any of them.

An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.

Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer." Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide.

Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?"

...Read more