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Too Late, He's Long Dead

Humor / Jokes /

The orthopaedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, and had fastened the seat belt around it to stop it falling over. I hadn't considered the drive across town.

At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me...Read more

Beard

Humor / Jokes /

When a young announcer was raising funds on a local public television station, a woman called in and told the volunteer operator she would donate a hundred dollars if the announcer would shave off his beard.

He agreed to help the cause and returned to work clean-shaven.

The following day, the check arrived from his mother.

Brexit III: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

Humor / Jokes /

The UK could officially leave the European Union next month, which would be a huge change with hugely damaging consequences.

Trump's Annual Physical Results Reveal Obesity

Humor / Jokes /

Jimmy Fallon's monologue from Friday, February 15, featuring The Tonight Show News Blender.

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

‘No time left to run the government?’ You don’t run the government now! You’re basically the security guard in every heist movie. ‘Murph, wake up!’ ‘Duhh, I was just resting my eyes!’

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

Hidden Valley has just released a new version of their famous ranch dressing. They’re calling it their Blasted Ranch-Dipped Pizza Flavored Ranch. Yeah, you can look for it at your local supermarket in the aisle marked ‘She’s Never Coming Back, Is She?’

James Corden

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

Wow, that’s a serious walk-back. ‘Honey, I know you wanted a diamond engagement ring, but what about this candy necklace that says, ‘Hot and horny’? You can eat it! noting that Congress passed a bill that doesn’t include funding for a border wall, despite Trump’s insistence on $5.7 billion

entertainment/humor/jokes/s-2178186">Read more

Trump Undercuts His National Emergency Declaration: A Closer Look

Humor / Jokes /

Seth takes a closer look at President Trump declaring a national emergency and spending a weekend lashing out at critics.

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

Joe Biden is reportedly still, still deciding whether or not to run in 2020. According to The Washington Post, he’s been eenie-meenie-miney-moeing for months now. And here’s the thing: By 2020, Joe Biden’s going to be 78 years old. The only thing he should be deciding is whether or not to stay up watching ‘NCIS’ at that age. If Biden ...Read more

Blind Date

Humor / Jokes /

A guy gets set up on a blind date and he takes her out for dinner to a very expensive restaurant to make a good impression. The waiter approaches the table and asks to take their order.

The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu, shrimp cocktail, pate, Caesar Salad, lobster, crepes Suzette, with no regard to the price. The guy ...Read more

Embarrassing Traffic Stop

Humor / Jokes /

A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding.

Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was.

"I think you've...Read more

Helping To Clean The Dishes

Humor / Jokes /

Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog.

When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"

Your Daughter is Pregnant

Humor / Jokes /

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen.

It only took the doctor about two seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!"

The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and ...Read more

Marriage Wisdom

Humor / Jokes /

When a woman in my office became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice. "The first ten years are the hardest."

"How long have you been married?" she asked.

"Ten years," came the immediate reply.

Trump Press Conference Cold Open - SNL

Humor / Jokes /

President Donald Trump (Alec Baldwin) takes questions at press conference.

Meet Cute with a Ghost

Humor / Jokes /

All the good guys are taken or died in the Civil War, amirite?!

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

‘No time left to run the government?’ You don’t run the government now! You’re basically the security guard in every heist movie. ‘Murph, wake up!’ ‘Duhh, I was just resting my eyes!’

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

Going around Congress in this way is a very serious situation, and Trump immediately was blasted on Twitter, with one prominent Washington insider saying that we cannot allow the president to, quote, ‘subvert the Constitution of the United States for his own benefit and because he is unable to negotiate with Congress.’ Oh no, wait, hang on, ...Read more

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

He’s bypassing Congress. Now, I knew that Trump might get a bypass — but honestly, I thought it would be from too much KFC.

James Corden

Apparently We're Almost In a National State of Emergency

Humor / Jokes /

James Corden looks at the news of the day, notably President Donald Trump saying he's going to declare a national state of emergency as part of his plan to build the border wall he long-said Mexico would pay for, and Amazon's decision to pull out of building a plant in New York.

 

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