Ready for history’s Valentine hall of shame?
Tyrades! by Danny Tyree
Not everyone does Valentine’s Day well.
A significant number of people are too unromantic, lazy, cheap or unimaginative to make the best of the occasion.
Don’t despair if you fall into one of those categories. Some of the most prominent people in history have been romantic duds. For instance…
Philosopher René Descartes, who declared, “I think, therefore I am going to break up with her before I have to buy a Valentine’s Day gift.”
King Arthur, who fumed, “Isn’t it enough that I splurged for a round table? I draw the line at using sissified coasters on it!”
Library reformer Melvil Dewey, who invariably told women he met in bars, “No, don’t give me your number. I’ll assign you one.”
Economist Adam Smith, who confessed, “Nations have wealth, but I’m tapped out. Let’s go Dutch treat for Valentine dinner.”
Charles Dickens, who had lots of time to reconsider his critique, “It was the best of kisses, it was the worst of kisses…”
Renaissance polymath Nicolaus Copernicus, who blundered into pointing out, “The world really doesn’t revolve around you, dear. I can prove it…”
Copyright 2023 Danny Tyree, All Rights Reserved. Credit: Cagle.com