Do you want your receipt?

Danny Tyree on Feb 16, 2022

Or maybe the Stepford Clerks are dutifully following corporate directives to be extra helpful. Hey, if sparing me from the horrors of an overstuffed shirt pocket gives them the jollies, I can think of even more ways for them to find bliss. My shed needs decluttering this weekend, and how’s about watering my plants while I’m on vacation?

Are customers expected to reciprocate when clerks make these grand gestures? (“Okay, I’ll dance at your wedding, and I’ll co-sign your loan, but I’ll have to think about this kidney donation thing, Cindi with An I.”)

Most receipts never see the light of day again, but it’s short-sighted to relinquish your receipt when you could very well be haggling with Customer Service over returns of an ill-fitting garment or a non-functioning electronic gadget. (“I swear I bought this here. Please give me credit. Pretty please, with a cherry on top. No, I can’t prove I paid for the cherry, either…”)

Retailers aren’t doing shoppers any favors when they cajole them into facing an income tax audit without a shoebox of receipts. (“I know I could’ve deducted my new printer if I had the receipts, but Zachary with a W made such a persuasive case.”)

Back off, clerks! I grew up when “proof-of-purchase seals” meant something. You’ll pry my receipts from my cold, Sugar Smacks-infused fingers.

Danny Tyree welcomes email responses at tyreetyrades@aol.com and visits to his Facebook fan page “Tyree’s Tyrades.”