My Pet World: Can cats grieve the loss of a family member?

Dear Cathy,

I read your column every week and hope you can help with my 13-year-old cat, Gracie, who has periodically been urinating on rugs in the house. We adopted her and her littermate brother, Georgie, when they were six months old. Both use the litter box regularly.

About a year ago, Gracie began urinating on a particular rug. My veterinarian ruled out a urinary tract infection and suggested adding another litter box and plug-in pheromones. We did both, and the behavior stopped.

A few months later, my husband died unexpectedly. Both cats became very subdued for several weeks. Since then, they have become much more attached to me and jealous of one another when I am giving attention. Gracie sometimes chases Georgie away, but there were no accidents.

Then, about a month ago, I came home after being out for a few hours. Gracie greeted me at the door, then walked over and urinated on a rug. She stood beside the spot as though she wanted me to see it. The following week, the same thing happened on another rug. This time, she urinated, then came to me purring and wanted to be petted.

I took her back to the veterinarian, who again ruled out a urinary tract infection. She also had a full physical exam and bloodwork. Other than inflammatory bowel disease, which my veterinarian doesn’t believe is related, everything was normal.

Could this be attention-seeking behavior or separation anxiety? Both cats have been such a comfort since my husband's passing, and I want to help Gracie however I can.

— Jean, Wethersfield, Connecticut

Dear Jean,

First, let me say how sorry I am for the loss of your husband. I'm glad Gracie and Georgie have been a source of comfort during such a difficult time.

One of the biggest misconceptions about cats is that they urinate outside the litter box simply to get our attention or get back at us. Inappropriate urination is almost always a form of communication. Cats are trying to tell us something, whether it's physical discomfort, emotional stress or a change in their environment.

The loss of your husband changed the emotional landscape of your home, not just for you, but for Gracie and Georgie. We often think of grief as something only people experience, but animals notice when someone important is suddenly gone.

Pets may become quieter, clingier, more anxious, or even change the way they interact with one another. Grief unfolds over time, and as families adjust to a new normal, stress-related behaviors can emerge weeks or even months later. Gracie's urinating when you come home may be triggered by a rush of emotion, perhaps excitement, anxiety, or uncertainty. Seeking your reassurance afterward suggests she is turning to the person she trusts most when those feelings become overwhelming.

I would continue providing multiple litter boxes in separate locations, scooping them daily, and keeping the pheromone diffusers since they seemed to help before. Also, I would make time for individual play and attention with each cat so neither feels the need to compete for your affection. I would also buy a litter box attractant to sprinkle in the box to see if that helps.

Most importantly, if the behavior persists or becomes more frequent, go back to your veterinarian. Conditions such as feline idiopathic cystitis, arthritis and other age-related problems can come and go. If Gracie's behavior is ultimately linked to anxiety, your veterinarian may also suggest medication to help her feel more secure.

Dear Cathy,

I often wonder after giving my dog a treat, what I would do if she began choking? Is the Heimlich maneuver a possibility on a dog? Or would patting her on the back be helpful? What does one do in such a situation?

— Fran, Oyster Bay, New York

Dear Fran,

Yes, there is a modified Heimlich maneuver you can use for both dogs and cats. The important thing to know is that these techniques should only be used if your pet is truly choking – not simply coughing or gagging – and your pet should still be seen by a veterinarian afterward, even if the object is removed.

Rather than trying to explain these lifesaving techniques in print, however, I encourage you to take a pet first aid class. The American Red Cross offers an online Cat and Dog First Aid course with step-by-step demonstrations, photos, and videos covering choking, CPR, and other emergencies. There are several other reputable pet first aid courses available online as well.

Hopefully, you will never need any of these skills. But, learning pet first aid before an emergency happens can ensure you are ready if it does.

_____

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(Cathy M. Rosenthal is a longtime animal advocate, author, columnist and pet expert who has more than 25 years in the animal welfare field. Send your pet questions, stories and tips to cathy@petpundit.com. Please include your name, city, and state. You can follow her @cathymrosenthal.)