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Q: I struggle with memories of my father who hurt me deeply when I was a child. I've been told I need to forgive him in my heart -- but I'm finding that extremely difficult to do. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: I genuinely understand how you feel. My alcoholic father abandoned me when I was five. When my mom died four years later, my stepdad left me and my four siblings to fend for ourselves. For a long time I thought: Why should I even try to forgive either of them?

Eventually, however, I had to come to grips with the fact that I could either forgive or slowly poison my own mind and heart. Holding on to unresolved bitterness will destroy you. You can't control your father's actions and attitudes. But by God's grace -- and with his help -- you must learn to control your own. If you choose not to forgive, you'll only hurt yourself.

Of course, a very important piece of the puzzle is how your father hurt you. If there was sexual or physical abuse involved, it's critical that you work through that hurt and betrayal with people you can trust; in fact, I'd strongly recommend working with a qualified counselor. Or perhaps you've "only" been scarred by years of rejection or emotional neglect. These are still serious and painful wounds that won't heal until you're able to forgive your father from the heart.

To be honest, this won't happen without divine grace, and possibly the guidance of a professional therapist who can help you sort all this out in a healthy, non-threatening way. Focus on the Family's staff counselors would be pleased to discuss your concerns with you over the phone. I invite you to contact them at 855-771-HELP (4357) -- and I wish you the best.

Q: Our teenage son claims that we don't care about what he has to say. We do try to give him our full attention whenever he talks to us, so we don't think his accusations are really fair. But we also want him to know that we take him seriously. How should we respond?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: This is a common "complaint" from teenagers. Many times it is about the accumulation of multiple things emotionally. So, first, seek to understand where these thoughts are coming from. Ask questions to seek clarification. You can say, "Help me understand why you think we don't care about what you have to say." "What is it that you need for us to understand that we're not understanding?" "What have we missed?"

Do this without getting defensive. Your goal is to enter into a rational and relational conversation while avoiding getting pulled into an emotionally charged exchange.

The second thing you want to do in response to this desire to be heard is to set up some one-on-one connection times. Invest time to build trust and relationship. The one-on-ones can be short moments of daily connection as well as somewhat longer times once each week.

Also, keep in mind that when a teen says he does not feel understood or heard, sometimes this may simply mean he doesn't think you are willing to let him get his way or what he wants. This might be a case of your teen getting stuck on what your response SHOULD be (in his mind) instead of what it COULD be. What is your son expecting as your response? He may be unhappy with a consistent boundary; that is OK. You are not his parent to make him happy, but to understand and guide him toward growth, including healthy maturity and healthy relationships.

For more practical tips and resources, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com/Parenting.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2026 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.