How to help a friend after a devastating breakup? Your first instinct is wrong

Rogge suggests letting your friend talk as long as they like, listening with an open heart and validating their emotions. "Letting them know it makes sense to hurt like this is very helpful," he said. "It validates their feelings and gives them permission to accept those feelings, experience them and allow them to begin to pass."

As far as activities that might provide that kind of comfort, there's plenty you can do beyond watching rom-coms on the couch with Häagen-Dazs in hand. You might also offer to accompany them on outings they used to share with their partner, like grocery shopping or grabbing breakfast on a Saturday morning, Rogge said. "That can mean a lot as they are putting their life back together — just knowing they don't have to do this all by themselves."

Be aware of situations that might be triggering — the smell of a certain perfume or cologne, a favorite song or seeing a TV show they watched with their ex can cause someone to spiral. If your friend has to go to a place where they might run into their ex — a child's school concert or a religious service — you can offer to go with them as support. It's OK for them to avoid those places for a few weeks after a breakup, but they shouldn't abandon them all together. "Be careful of too much change all at once," Black said. "You don't want them to detach from their normal ways of navigating life."

Anticipating the moments that they might feel especially lonesome can go a long way. For example: reaching out on Valentine's Day or Christmas — holidays they used to spend with their partner.

"Asking them to call us and letting us know what they need puts another burden on them," Black said. "What we want to do is recognize what they need."

Though no one recovers from grief overnight, pay attention to the amount of time a friend is in a dark place. If it's been more than six months, or if you notice they are withdrawing, neglecting responsibilities or abusing substances you might suggest they find a mental health professional to talk to, and offer them help in finding one.

"We never want to diagnose our friends, but grieving or sadness that results in isolation, withdrawing — if they aren't eating or stop answering phone calls for a long duration of time — that's more than sadness, that's depression," Black said.

And finally, remember that judgment only adds salt to the wound.

"Whether the relationship was healthy, whether they were ready to separate or not, that person is really trying to grapple with what does it feel like to be an individual again," Black said. "No heartbreak is greater than another."