Life Advice



Dating Advice: The 'talking phase' turn-offs that may stop a potential match in its tracks

Erika Ettin, Tribune News Service on

Published in Dating Advice

There's an important period in a relationship that's often overlooked in online dating: the point between finding an interesting profile and actually meeting in person. While there is an art to crafting an interesting opening message -- although anything more exciting than "Hey" or "How's it going?" will often suffice -- keeping the conversation going can often be a challenge.

Recently on Reddit, the online forum where people can anonymously chat about practically anything, someone posed a great question: "What kills your attraction in the 'talking' phase?"

Some of the responses were:

"Not talking enough. The entire point of a date is to get to know each other which is pretty hard if I may as well be talking to a brick wall."

"When they're incapable of making full conversations. People who constantly ask hru/wyd again and again make me lose interest VERY fast." (Text speak be gone!)

"Not asking me questions. It shows me they're not genuinely interested in getting to know me. I ask questions. I like it when it's more conversational."


"If I'm putting in more effort than the person to keep the conversation going. Especially if I always have to initiate or say, 'Hi' first."

"Mind games. What I loved about my husband is he didn't care how much he texted or called, just because he enjoyed talking to me and wasn't afraid to show it."

Five different answers that make different points but come to very similar conclusions: it's all about putting effort into the conversation.

While online dating, it's expected that you may be talking to multiple people at once, getting to know each other and seeing if meeting for a date is in the cards. However, the same conversation won't work for each of the people you're texting with. You have to give each person special attention, asking them information based on their profile or pictures that show you paid attention ... and you're not confusing them with another potential match.


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