ArcaMax

My fear is that I'll eventually be left to the side. This happened once before in my life, and it hurt deeply.

I'm trying to face the idea that things clicked with us for a reason and season.

How do I handle this? I want him to be happy.

How do I let go and not cling or dump my fears onto him?

– Unsure

Dear Unsure: You have developed a strong attachment to “Bradley,” and like all strong ties, the attachment itself can be something of a trap, because it can keep you in place, preventing you from forming and enjoying other relationships and pursuits.

Bradley is the dominant person in your relationship, and the lack of balance is why you feel insecure, now.

You should continue to assume that as his life changes, your relationship with him will also change. You seem to understand that insecurity might push your love object away. And yet you truly need to understand that your primary loyalty must be to yourself, to your own health, and to your progress through this world. This progress won’t happen when you are anxious and hurting.

You have portrayed Bradley as a compelling player who likely has formed strong attachments to other men. You know that if he really wanted to meet you in person, he would. (Is this a “romance scam?” You should consider this possibility.)

The way to approach this painful uncertainty is to determine to expand your own world, to develop affirmative interests outside of this relationship, to initiate contact less often, and to transition from love object to friend.

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