Ask Amy: Elder couple is isolated post-pandemic

Dear Amy: My husband and I, along with a lot of other people our age, have not been able to recover from the pandemic. We are both active 75-year-olds and have been married 55 years.

It seems like everyone’s forgotten that most people over 65 are retired and have no young children. They don’t have jobs and colleagues to return to. They don’t have young children to keep them busy through school and extracurriculars.

So many of the activities we used to participate in have been shut down. Volunteer opportunities and senior lunches have been discontinued. Cruise ships, which are an easier way for older people to travel, now depart from port cities that are difficult to fly to. Our church has done away with its coffee hour that was the main way to keep up with members. We can’t even go to the movie theater because they blast the sound so loudly that it hurts.

With no outlets for socialization, my husband and I spend 24 hours a day together. Although we have hobbies that have kept us busy, the lack of outside human contact makes us unhappy. With no control over all we’ve lost, we are bad-tempered and argue. We see no future.

While we know everyone—especially our children—need special attention recovering from the isolation of COVID-19, it seems as if America has forgotten its seniors entirely. Can you suggest any groups inviting older people back “to life” post-pandemic?

— Still Isolated in Chicago

Dear Still Isolated: I appreciate your perspective about the continued isolation you’re experiencing as a result of the pandemic. As you know, isolation is bad for both your mental and physical health.

But you live in Chicago (lucky you), which is an extremely social city with short but glorious summers. Now is the perfect time to climb out of your isolation and look around.

The experiences you had grown accustomed to have changed. You are going to have to change, too, and make a very real effort to create new experiences and meet new people.

My first suggestion is that you should see if you and your husband can revive your church’s coffee hour. Are volunteers needed to coordinate? If so, you should step up and see how you can be helpful.

Museums and galleries offer special events for seniors. Your local public library (and especially the Harold Washington Library, downtown) will offer book discussion groups and other free events. The Chicago Ornithological Society sponsors bird watching events and field trips — and includes beginners (chicagobirder.org).

Meetup.com is an online site helping people to meet one another along specific lines of interest. Type in “Chicago seniors social” and you can browse through dozens of offerings for elders, ranging from Karaoke and trivia outings to nature walks, according to neighborhoods.

Plus … the baseball season is young, which means that the Cubs are still in the running. If you’re able, a visit to Wrigley field should boost your spirits.

Dear Amy: I work out most days after work at a local gym.

Yesterday I witnessed a guy completely creeping on another woman (I’m a woman). From what I overheard, he was harassing her.

I’m embarrassed to say that I didn’t know what to do. I was so uncomfortable, I finished up and left the gym.

I guess I’m wondering what you think I could have — or should have — done to help her out.

— Disturbed

Dear Disturbed: You could (and should) have gone to the front desk to let them know what you were witnessing. Gym personnel should intervene.

Another technique that women can try to slyly help one another out in the moment is what I’d describe as a “faux friend intervention.” You could approach her, make eye contact as if you are friends and say, “Hey, I’m finishing up now. Are you ready to go get coffee?”

Dear Amy: “Worried,” was upset because her young child had cut her hair (and then lied about it).

As a parent and a barber I thought I would give you my perspective on young kids cutting their own hair (or that of a sibling).

When I get those kids in my shop, I explain that even a monkey can cut hair, but I had to go to school to learn how to do it properly.

I then ask them if they have been to barber school.

I follow up by telling them that I make my living cutting hair — so don’t take away my job!

— Vern

Dear Vern: You’re a treasure.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)