Ask Amy: Grandmother wants to help granddaughter’s recovery
Dear Grandma: The fact that you are asking this question reveals how important a role you could play in your granddaughter’s recovery – just by being yourself. But “being yourself” in this context may feel somewhat surreal.
Keep in mind that returning from an in-patient program marks a stage in recovery, but is not the end of recovery. Your granddaughter’s recovery is a process that could take a very long time.
It is common for people returning from treatment to feel awkward, “on stage,” and the unwanted focus of the entire family’s attention. I think this is especially challenging for teenagers.
The recovering person does not want to be visually scrutinized, touched, hugged, or put at the center of the family’s conversation.
You should not discuss her illness, her eating, or even “how healthy she looks.”
You should simply tell her that it is great to see her.
Let her fade to the fringes of family gatherings (if she wants) until she feels more comfortable being home. Interact with her parents and sister, recount a favorite funny story about your daughter (her mom) from childhood, talk about what you’re reading, watching, or who you ran into at the farmer’s market. Confess your secret crush on Sam Elliott.
And – if you find yourself babbling, laugh about it and then settle down.
All of you just have to get through this initial phase.
Eating disorders are family diseases. I heartily support your instinct to seek support. The facility where your granddaughter has received treatment should offer support groups for family members.
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